Corrupting little minds...

Two shy and gawky tweens stood at the door to the children’s room, keenly observing the game of monopoly being played by a group of similarly aged kids inside. Their father was busy with a re-tiling work in the washroom, and since their school had broken for the holidays, they had accompanied him to work. Sonu saw the boys looking expectantly and called out to them.

“What’s your name”, he asked.

The elder of two smiled broadly and stepped forward, his hand on his chest, “My Mahesha”, he said, and then he placed his hand on his brother’s chest, “My Madesha”.

All the other boys laughed out loudly.

“Shhh...” said Sonu silencing them. “Mahesha, you must say, My name is Mahesha”, he corrected, “and my brother’s name is Madesha. Repeat,” he commanded.

The boy obediently followed.

“Very nice. But doesn’t Madesha speak? You tell your name now”, said Sonu.

The younger boy shyly followed suit.

“Do you want to play with us?” asked Sonu.

“Yes,” they chorused.

“So come in and sit down”, said Sonu asking the other boys to make some space for the two new friends to settle in.

“Cheee, he is sooo dark. Don’t you take bath?” said T covering his nose.

“Stop it T, that is rude”, said Sonu.

“I bath”, said Mahesha.

P and his brother R suddenly got up. “My mom said not to play with servants.”

“Your choice”, said Sonu. “But let me tell you, they don’t bite.”

“We have to take bath again if he touches us...”

“You are going to be missing out on all the fun."

P thought about it for a moment and then choose to continue playing. “Okay, we’ll play but don’t tell my mom”, he begged.

I had made some mango shake for the kids, and served it to them.

“Aunty, these two boys will also drink from these glasses? In our house we have separate glasses for servants”, P enlightened me.

What an education for such a young child, I thought! 

“Enjoy the shake”, I said as I left.

The boys played for quite some time till their father was done for the day. By the time they had been ready to leave, they had all become friends. The boys got invited to play cricket the following day.

The next day, as the gang enjoyed their game of cricket, I watched from the balcony, marvelling at how one determined person is enough to change the views of the group.

P’s mother was driving in from work and she saw her boys playing. Her eyes must have immediately caught the two unknown boys and stopped to ask P who they were. As I looked on in utter disbelief, she spoke something to the other boys and then literally dragged her kids home! Later, Sonu told me that she was angry for letting the two boys playing with them. He told her that they were all children of the same God, and it is not right to differentiate between them. She warned her kids against playing with any other kid in the apartment too and took them home.

In this day and age, if an educated, office going, lady could behave like that, imagine the garbage she’s polluting her kids’ minds with! 

Of Moms and Sons!!

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 54; the fifty-fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

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The other day, a friend commented about how I frequently change the pictures on the wall, “You must have a great collection, and even greater patience,” she said.

“No,” I told her plainly,” I’m a mom of two boys!!”

Moms who have only boys will know what I’m talking about. After a while, you just get used to damaged property and replacing and repairing, like that is what you were born to do. A cricket game that ends triumphantly with smashed window panes showering down like a meteor, broken picture frames that hang precariously from the wall begging you to get them off their perch, broken bones and bruises which teach you how you can get blood almost out of anything, patches of greasy palm prints and grafitti all over the walls, which by the way, reflect the sheer wastefulness of getting your home painted; I think you get the drift...yea, that’s what being a mom to only boys is all about. The whole house is their playground, and you will become an expert at ducking before the ball knocks you down...after having been knocked down a few times before! By the time the boys are able to walk about on their own feet, you would know the phone number of the carpenter, mechanic, plumber and any other repair person by heart and they would know your address even as you place your call and say hello!

Toys under the coffee table!

and graffiti on the walls!

You will also learn how to walk without tripping on the umpteen things on wheels that adorn your floor that you so painstakingly just cleaned a few hours ago, and after a few years, cars perched on sofas, trains hanging from the corner of the bed and trucks sitting where the flower vase should have been, no longer seem unusual and cleaning the house does not seems like a necessity anymore! By the way, the flower vase would have by then become past tense and after replacing it for the nth time you will no longer have patience to waste your hard earned money to buy a vase that will soon be broken again.

You will also learn how powerless you become when the cricket and football seasons arrive.  You will have practically no control over the remote, with the boys ganging up on you 3:1. And added to that, they will be perennially hungry, and you will spend most of your time stuck to the stove.

 ‘How do I look’, will always be met with a stony silence and a stare as if it was the most stupid question to ask. Men anyway have no idea how to answer that question, whatever their age! There is never a comment on what kind of makeup looks good on me or what clothes I look good in. The answer will always a ‘hmmm…’ whatever that means!

These are the times I sorely miss having a daughter; a daughter with whom I could share my makeup and jewelry and clothes. Without her, all my years of experience as a girl and woman seem so wasted! My sister’s daughter, all of 8 years, has already laid claim to large part of her mom’s inheritance she tells me, and I look at all the stuff that I have been collecting over the years and worry what will become of them?!

All the stuffed toys that I brought in expectation of having a daughter lie untouched, gathering dust. The teddy bear(s) that should have been cuddled up in the arms of my kids sit high up in the attic! You will learn early on that boys have this fascination for cars and anything that moves on wheels, right from the moment they are born! That and video games. Whatever their age!

But all said and done, I wouldn't trade my boys for anything or anyone in the world. Because some relationships are forever. Can any feeling compare to the way the younger one buries his head into me as he sleeps or the way the elder one curls up on my lap after a tiring day out? The little hands that lock into mine and the shiny eyes that smile at me, the animated non-stop chatter, and the palms that cradle my cheeks, are priceless. And to top that, you get all the attention that only boys can shower you with! 

Ah! the perks of being a mother! 

That's how he sleeps with his face buried into me!!

And those little palms are forever on my cheeks!

Being a mom is forever!!

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5 signs your child is emotionally disturbed.

As children grow up, they go through difficult periods. One hand, they try to fit in with their peers, and on the other, they also fall out of fit with the people at home. They might go through temper tantrums, or withdrawal phases, periods of poor behavior or frustration. The onus falls back on us to be more receptive to their needs, identify behavioral changes in the child and help him cope with their growing period. For most children these phases last for a short duration and might not be a cause for concern. But if the child is having these bouts frequently and for a longer duration of time, it might be a sign of emotional disturbance.

Here are 5 signs of emotional disturbance in a child that you must not ignore-

                                                  To read more go to Parentous.com

Over the top parenting!!

We were having a get together at a friend’s place, and while the adults were busy chatting, the kids were busy bringing the roof down with all the noise they were making! All of a sudden one of the kids fell down and the kid’s mom and dad both let out a short scream!

Even as I wondered whether it was the child which fell down or his parents, the mother ran to him, consoling him and the father frantically rubbed his head. To me it looked like the mother needed more consoling than the child! In the midst of that entire hullabaloo, I saw the child suddenly freeze in shock for a short while, before crying so hard holding his breath that I was sure he would turn blue if he held his breath any longer! Even before anyone could say anything, the harried parents made an abrupt exit with the child in tow and the other parents nodded sympathetically!

To read the rest of the post go to....www.parentous.com

And no, this is not the graffiti wall...the scribbling continues everywhere in spite of having a wall earmarked for him!

Important things you should say to your child..

Children look up to their parents for support, for validation, and for encouragement. They look up to their parents to emulate them, to teach them right from wrong and to hold their hands when they falter. So the onus on us to be all that to them is even more than we would like think! It’s an oft repeated statement that we should be careful of what we speak to our kids and what we speak when they are around. It is equally important what we say to them through our gestures and words. Kids are like those highly absorbent sponges, soaking in everything they see us do or hear us say.

Here are seven important things you must say to your kid-

I love you – I say this to my kids every single day, as they leave for school, as they retire to bed and anytime in between. My kids light up every time I say it, and they tell me that they love me too. It’s an obvious thing, but it needs to be said. Hugs and kisses are other forms of showing your love. All these verbal and physical forms of love makes kids feel secure and cared for.

To read the rest of the post go to...parentous.com

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Role reversal..

Parents are supposed to be role models for their kids, but how often kids teach us valuable lessons too! I attended a parent-teacher interaction at my elder one’s school yesterday. His exams had just got over and the discussion would be about the child’s performance and other things. When my turn came, I introduced myself and the teacher’s eyes kind of lit up when I mentioned my child’s name.

“Oh, so you are S’s mom? I have been waiting to meet you”, she said.

My son is hardly the mischief monger types and the expression on the teacher’s face clearly was happy, so there was no reason to be concerned!

Read the rest of the post at parentous.com

Why kids lie?

We all dream of bringing up our kids to be honest individuals. Well, if not for the world outside, we at least expect them to be totally truthful to us. But more often than not, we find them fibbing their way out of everyday situations!

Why do kids lie?

So why do kids have this tendency to lie? Actually the answer is quite simple! They lie for the same reasons that we adults do!! There could be different reasons-

To get out of trouble- Kids might lie to cover up something, hoping to avoid punishment or consequences. For eg.  Scared that mom might punish him for breaking an expensive vase, a kid might say, “Mom, I did not break the vase.”

For personal gain- Kids might lie to manipulate a situation or to set up something. For eg. A kid might tell dad who does not know the routine, “Mom always let me eat chocolates before dinner” hoping to get that candy bar, he knows mom will never let him eat!

To impress – Kids like to make things up and hence exaggerate stories and try to impress others. For eg. A kid saying to his friend, “I caught a big fish last Sunday when I went fishing with dad, it was as big our boat.”

To protect someone- They might lie to protect a loved sibling, or friend.

To read the rest of the post go to  parentous.com

Just right books...

There’s a lot of talk about getting kids into the habit of reading. Reading not only improves the child’s language skills, imagination and vocabulary, but also helps build their character. Yes, good books have that potential! Often we find that children become good readers, one book at a time.  

My friends often ask me what the right age is to introduce books to the child and how they can help their kids with picking the right book. I’d say the key is to start early and initially you will have to pick the books for the child. Buy books instead of toys and read out to them whenever you can, not just at bedtime. This creates a ritual, one that they associate with a “cozy time” together with the parent.

To read the rest of the post...go to  parentous.com

Speaking up..

“Hi champ, how was school today?” I asked my son as he trudged in looking a little sad. He is usually quite chirpy and is forever bursting to let me in on all the minute details of his school day the moment he barges in, but today he looked slightly off colour.

“What seems to be the problem, champ? Want to share?” I quizzed not wanting to be overly nosey.

“Dance sir slapped me on my cheeks. I lost balance and he just slapped me.” He looked hurt.

“You could have tried explaining what went wrong.” I suggested.

“I did. He said he doesn’t want to listen to anything.”

To read the rest of the post...go to parentous.com

My Appa- My Hero!!

I am writing about #MyRoleModel as a part of the activity by Gillette India in association with BlogAdda.com.

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Dear Appa,

As I begin to write this, I realize I have never written to you before! Perhaps, I have never felt the need to write, or tell you anything. You have understood every unspoken word and every unfinished sentence. Irrespective of whether you saw that expression on my face or heard it in my voice on a faraway telephone. That’s the power of you and your bond with me. 

Eternal.

I remember never having needed to ask you for anything. I have never known what to ask. You always gave it to me before I even realized the need to have it. You have brought me up like a true blue princess and I have never known what want is all about. You have taught us to be satisfied and happy than greedy and needy. You taught me that money was only as important as the things it could buy and never a penny more.

You stood against relatives who jeered at you for convent educating your girls. You told them your girls will make you proud one day. I hope we make you proud!  You gifted me my first moped on my 16^th birthday with a license to drive. You have let me ride free on the roads of life ever since, showing me what independence is all about.

It was you who pushed me into attending my first interview armed with a hand written resume and oodles of confidence. Whoever had heard of hand written resumes? But I remember you telling me that I had the most beautiful handwriting, the most charming smile and intelligence and if anyone would get the job, it would be me. I remember brimming with conviction that if you thought I could then I would. I remember dancing holding your hand as I showed you my appointment letter. You didn’t think twice when I wanted to go to a different city for that job. You gave me your blessing, while others thought you were being foolish to let a girl stay alone in a strange city.

You let me marry the man of my dreams; in spite of threats from the society, in spite of being ridiculed and in spite of being isolated. Letting me have my happiness was far more important to you than anything else. You always trusted my ability to make decisions, and I couldn’t thank you more for it. Without your faith, without your approval and without your blessing I would have faltered at every step.

You taught me how work was as important as family, friends and hobbies too. If your colleagues talk about your passion to your work, your zeal for theater and writing is still appreciated by your friends and your commitment is most valued by your family. That intricate balance of the three is something I still yearn to learn.

I have never seen a more positive person than you and I have always marveled at your strength to remain optimistic in any situation. You taught me that there is always a way out of our problems and no issue is big enough for us to give up. You taught me that no pain is permanent and the worst situations will also pass. Your sense of humor is your biggest charm and there is hardly anyone who will disagree to that!

You taught me never to hate anyone. You taught me the joy in giving to others, and reaching out to anyone who needs my help. You have led by example and that has taught me more than words ever could.

I never knew what inequality or gender discrimination was all about. Maybe that’s why I never understood why some people would kill their own girls, or deprive them of education or make honor such a big issue. Maybe that’s why I never understood what men could do better that I couldn’t. Maybe if all dads were like you, nobody would either. I am so thankful you raised me that way. Not like it was expected to raise girls, not like raising a girl as a boy, but simply raising a child, empowering me with skills to face the world, doing the best you could for me.

You have always been my hero and I may not say this enough, but you have been the best part of me growing up.

Love you always Appa,

Your little princess

Appa and me!!

The right to dream..

A couple of months ago, I visited my home town to spend time with my parents. I got the rare chance of meeting old school friends after almost 20 years! The girls’ were shining in varied fields and it filled my heart with pride and admiration to see everyone so well placed and successful. There were those who were the brightest in class and had always topped every exam and then there were those who did fairly well or not so well. But what was amazing is that each one had found their calling. From engineers, lawyers, and teachers, to working in the hospitality industry, running successful businesses and acting in television serials, each one had become successful in their own right. After 20 years it seemed like life had balanced itself leading each one us to follow our dreams away from the burden of the educational degrees that kept us tied up. 

To read the rest of the post go to parentous.com

About the birds and bees..

The kids came running home after play last evening, sounding very excited. The cause of excitement, as I learnt later, were a couple of snakes in the open grassy land next to the apartment.

 “Mamma the snakes were mating,” the elder one told me, “or maybe they were fighting, because they were coiled together”.

I was suddenly all ears, more curious to know where he had picked up that word. Not wanting to sound scandalised, I casually asked him, “What is mating?”

“I think they were trying to have a baby.”

Gosh. How do kids even begin to know all this?

“Who told you that?” I asked him.

“My friend, C, he is 7^th std now, he knows.”

 “Hmm… ” I said, half expecting him to ask me how exactly do they do it!

“Will the snake lay eggs?” he wanted to know.

“Yea it will.”

“How are the human babies born? Did you lay an egg too when I was born?”

Read the rest of the post here at parentous.com

Being a Lefty in a right handed world!

My elder one is a born leftie, i.e. he uses his left hand for everything from writing to eating. Recently, we attended a function at a relative’s house and seeing him eat with his left hand, a cousin commented, “You should have at least taught him to eat with his right hand.” It took me some time to explain to her that the left hand for him, serves all purposes that our right hand serves to us, and vice versa. He cannot eat with his right hand because he uses it for functions we do with our left hand. But I could see she wasn’t convinced, because she still commented, “It is parents who help make or break a habit for a child, you simply didn’t try”. I didn’t offer to explain any more, but I could see that it disturbed my elder one a wee little bit.

To read more go to Parentous.com

Wanting what is not!

For the past two months, there's been no difference between my house and the fish market!

Summer vacations+ kids at home+ neighbours' kids= one deadly concoction + terrible headaches!

And the most irritating aspect of this holiday is the constant ringing of the door bell! Ting tong- "Aunty, can S and S come out to play?" Ting tong- "Mamma I wanted to take my skates" Ting tong "Mamma, take these skates, give me the cycle keys" Ting tong "I'm thirsty" Ting tong "Aunty, I want water" Ting tong-" Can I take monopoly?" Ting tong"I'm hungry" Ting tong "I want my bat" Ting tong "Susu"...ting tong...ting tong.... the entire day,the bell keeps chiming and I keep marching to and fro, leaving whatever I'm doing, to open the door! Like precision clockwork, they keep ringing that bell, leaving me feeling like a doorman! Enough to drive anyone insane! And god forbid if it was our house that was chosen for indoor games! I swear, I could see the walls shake, the floors tremble and the doors creak on their hinges, and the windows just about stopped short of cracking their glass!

I complained to my mother, how this was affecting my concentration, and how I haven't been able to write and submit my work on time because of it. Mom's answer? She laughed, "Are you under some false impression that you were a quite child who only stayed indoors all day and helped me with the housework? You created the most racket, my dear, and added to that was your incessant chatter! You drove me nuts! All kids are like that! And it's just a matter of a couple of months." Couple of months seemed like light years....at least the kids ensured that I felt so! Mom wasn't really being helpful, so all I could do was grin and bear it! I just wanted some quite and peace.

That time has now passed! The holidays are over. Today, the school reopened and kids are back at school. I think that I might even hear a pin drop, if it falls anywhere in the apartment! But there's an eerie silence too, and it's like I'm suddenly missing all that cacophony of the sweetlings! (Oh wait.. did I just call them sweetlings?!)

Someone said it right, "As a rule, man is a fool, when it's hot he wants it cool, when it cool, he wants it hot, always wanting what is not!"

Apron Strings..

“Mom, see what I drew in class today”, my elder one chirped as he came back from his drawing class.

“What’s this, it looks beautiful.” I said taking the sheet of paper he so enthusiastically put in my hands.

“Sir wanted us to imagine that we had turned into ants and have crept into mummy purse. We had to draw what we saw inside.”

That sounded cool! ‘Let me see how far his imagination had run’, I thought.

He had drawn an open purse, brown, just like mine, and the contents inside. I couldn’t really make out what they were so I asked him to explain.

“See, that’s your lipstick and that, is your eyeliner”, he said pointing out to two familiar looking shapes in brown and black, “and this is your hanky, your comb, your mobile, your keys, vehicle license, and see I even drew your book.” He sounded quite pleased with himself. Actually, I was quite pleased with him too.

I didn’t realize an 8 year old knew all that! There, I could make out, whatever he had just described, and yes! the book….a red cover with ‘Danielle Steel’ written on it! (Spelled correctly too!)He knew what I was currently reading! 

 I was touched.  

When had my little baby grown up?

To read the rest of the post....go to Parentous.com

How about a story?

The little one, as you all know by now, is a little too smart and quite witty.  So this how last evening turned out to be.

“Mamma, tell me a story,” the little one asked me, settling on my lap and turning my cheek towards him.

I stopped what I was doing to pay attention to him, after all what can be more important than spending quality time with your child? The instant story teller that I pride myself to be, I started with the lion in the jungle that ate all the animals, the story already beginning to take shape in my head.  I had no idea how wrong I was going to be proved in a short while from now.

“There was a bad lion in a bigggg jungle” I started, acting out the part. “He ate any animal that came his way.”

“Which animal?” he wanted to know.

First question already.

“It ate the deer, the…”

 “No mamma, the lion can’t eat the deer…” he said as a matter of fact.

“And why not?”

“The deer lives in the zoo…” he said, with a I’m-surprised-my-mom-didn’t-know-that look!

“No baby, it lives in the jungle, some of them are caught and kept in the zoo…”

“Oh” he seemed satisfied, still pondering over what I said. Then came the next question.

“Did the lion eat the zebra?”

 “Yes baby. The lion ate the zebra and….”

“Giraffe?”

“Yes, he ate the giraffe too and…”

“Buffalo?”

“Yes, the buffalo too.”

“Monkey?”

“Yeah, the monkey, the ….” I paused, thinking of what other animals the lion could eat.

“Hons cow?” he asked.

“What?” I was not sure I understood what animal that is.

“Hons cow?” he stressed again. “Did the lion eat the hons cow?”

“What is a hons cow?” I was beginning to get tired.

He made an imaginary horn with his hands on his head, “hons…”

that's his Hons' cow!!

“Oh!” it dawned on me, and I smiled, “Horns cow?”

“Ya, did the lion eat the horns cow?”

“Yes, it ate the horns cow also…”

Dear god how many more animals did he know? Even as I’m thinking about it, came the next poser.

“No, mamma, the lion can’t eat the horns cow, because it has horns… if the lion tries to eat it, the cow can knock it down with its horns….” He laughed, gently hitting his head with his tiny palm.

“Oh…” I was almost embarrassed. Imagine a mom who doesn’t know this basic fact! THAT was some enlightenment. I must make a mental note of this, next time will be unpleasant if I happen to make this mistake again.

“Ok, it did not eat the horns cow...So this lion…..” I tried to continue.

“Mamma….”

Not again.

“Yes?”

“What does the horns cow eat?”

“Grass?” I asked cautiously. You could never be too sure what his horns cow ate.

“Correct.” He nodded his head, and then, “What colour is grass?”

“You tell me…”

“Green” he smiled.

“Good boy” I smiled back, and then , “What does the horns cow give?” I would regret this question soon.

“Milk” pat came the answer.

“Very good. What colour is milk?” I realized I’m diverting from the story, I’ll get back to it next, I tell myself.

“White”.

“Good, so we’ll go back to the story? So this lion….”

The little one was still thinking and then came the bouncer.

“How does the green grass turn into white milk?”

I really don’t know that. And I could cry, yeah, I wanted to cry. I gave up on the story telling session.

“Baby, why don’t YOU tell me a story today?”