Long time ago, I read a book by a famous
author and a passage that I read stuck to my mind. The author encounters a man
on a train journey who sits motionless and unperturbed while his children
create a ruckus disturbing fellow passengers. Unable to bear the racket the
children are creating and feeling irritated that the father should do nothing
to control their behaviour he makes his point to the man, rather rudely. That
is when the man is shaken out of his reverie and apologises to the author
telling him that he is returning from his wife’s funeral and doesn’t know how
to handle himself, much less the kids. The author talks about how this
revelation suddenly caused a paradigm shift in the way he reacted to the
situation and finds himself offering help to the same man he was being so
judgemental just a few minutes ago!
Isn’t that so very true of us? How quick we
are to pass judgement about a fellow human being! We don’t know what his side
of the story is, so who are we to judge him? There is always a story behind
every person. There is a reason why they are the way they are. We might do well
to keep that in mind. Moreover, we aren’t perfect too, so we are in no position
to comment about another. We haven’t
walked in the other person’s shoes, we haven’t travelled the path they have travelled,
we haven’t lived their sorrows, or fear or pain or laughter. Being judgemental
or controlling or criticising someone, does not define who they are, it actually
defines who we are.
My closest friend was widowed at a very
young age of 26, just 3 years after being married, losing her husband to
cancer. She took up a job for financial stability and continued wearing her “mangalsutra”
(an auspicious symbol of being married). That drew a lot of criticism from her
family and relatives, who thought she was either remarried or a rebel. Little
did they know that she was trying to protect herself from the unwanted male attention
that she would attract if people knew that she was a widow. Also she felt
closer to her late husband sporting the one symbol of marriage he had given
her.
Have you ever noticed how people have so
much interest in other people and their kids? If a kid is hyperactive, he is not being brought up properly, if
he is slow, his parents are not paying
enough attention to him, if he is poor academically, he practically has no future, and if he is goes to boarding school,
there must be something wrong with the
family, don’t they love him enough? What we don’t realise that everyone is
a genius; we cannot judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, can we?
We could as well be at the receiving end too! We are
constantly being judged for everything from the clothes we wear, the life we
lead, the company we keep, to the choices we make. If a couple has been married
for more than two years and still do not have kids, there must be something
wrong with either of them! It may sound hilarious, but we had our first child
more of out a compulsion or obligation to society (read: family) rather than
out of our own will!!! The family wouldn’t understand that we were more
inclined to build our careers first, before having a new addition to our
family! At every family function I would be asked, if I had any good news to
convey!!
We cannot change
the world, but we can change ourselves by trying not to be judgemental. Because
when we point a finger at someone, we mustn’t forget that the other four
fingers are pointing to us!!! It is easy to judge the mistakes of others, but
difficult to recognise our own.
And when people
judge you, have the confidence to be who you are. Some people have so little
going on in their lives, that they would rather discuss yours. There is no need
to worry about impressing other people, it is enough that we try to impress
ourselves alone.
