Tuesday, April 11, 2017

I - 5 tips for dating an Introvert

Opposites, they say, attract. Well, in my case, it worked exactly that way! The self-confessed, extrovert in me found itself being attracted to the painfully shy introvert in my husband! While I was loud and outspoken and brash, he was so soft-spoken and polite that I wondered how we hit it off in the first place! He was vehemently opposed to noise and I loved being outdoors! I was at times so scared that I might do or say that could offend or hurt him. But over time, I learnt what a gift it is for an extrovert like me to be married to an introvert like him.

Here are 5 tips for you, especially if you are an extrovert and your partner happens to be an introvert.

Find the middle path.
It is a given that both like to do things differently and also enjoy different things. But the trick is to find the middle path.  For example, I realised that hubby hates the outdoors because he abhors the crowds and the noise. So, we planned our outings to places that are not as crowded and yet fun to be. I am quite at home in a sea of people and have a lot of friends but he prefers a closed unit. Amongst us, we have a smaller circle of friends, that is not too small and not too large, but it is extremely close knit.

Don’t push beyond their limit.
Even if your partner is an introvert, they will do their best to accommodate your desires and fancies, if they love you. But in the zeal to get them to do more, don’t push them beyond their limits and don’t try to change them. Introverts tend to withdraw further if you try to keep poking - very much like a tortoise. It might, however, take a few trials and errors to know how far your partner will go.

Be patient.
Introverts are not always shy and wrapped up in their cocoons. They can sometimes surprise you with their candor. The trick is to be patient. As tempting as it might get to flood their ears with your sweet cooing, learn to listen. It helps if you know what their interests are and you are able to start a conversation with such topics. They might speak little but it’s pretty enlightening to hear them speak if you can keep quiet for some time!   

It’s okay to do things separately.
Disagreements are commonplace when you want to do everything together. But like chalk and cheese, extroverts and introverts have a lot in uncommon! Resist the urge to plan all your time together. If there are things that you really want to do, go ahead with you gang but don’t drag the reluctant partner with you. The space that you give each other will make the relationship stronger as will the time that you spend together.

Go easy on the PDA.
It is quite a normal reaction for an extrovert to expect and show a lot of PDA. But Introverts are not really into PDA the way you want them to be. They have their own way of showing affection which might be much more meaningful and deep. If you find that your partner is not comfortable with it, don’t embarrass them by persisting with your overtures. 
The same goes for expecting compliments, thank-yous, that's-so-sweet-of-yous, you-are-best, etc etc. 

 Are you and your partner an extrovert-introvert combination? Does it work in your favour or against it? 
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