Monday, April 7, 2014

F is for Forgive....

It is said, ‘To err is human, to forgive divine”! 

But that is easier said than done,isn't it?!! How do I forgive someone who has hurt me? Especially when that person was one of the most important person in my life. How do I forget the turbulence that person sparked off inside me by being so insensitive? How do I forget those venomous words which brought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart? How do I tell myself to forgive that person and erase from my memory the way that person made me feel? I don’t want to forgive and I don’t want to forget! 

But over a period of time that venom has turned more spiteful, and I realize the more I hate that person, the angrier I get, and the more I hold a grudge, the more difficult it is for me to be at peace. It feels like I’m carrying a burden. That person is always on my mind. And I’m constantly thinking about all the bitter things that transpired between us. It makes me feel that pain again and again and all over again each time I think about it. Every scene replays and feels like it happened just now. And every word feels like it was spoken just now. The more I think about it all, the more I feel the agony. It makes me sad, it makes me tearful and it pains me no end. At the end of the thought cycle, I hate the person more and I resolve to never forgive. 

As this vicious cycle carries on and on, I realize, I have started having headaches and body aches, disturbed sleep and poor appetite, I am lost in my own world and my concentration is poor, I am distracted to the point of being forgetful. I want to know how that person is doing. And it pains me more to see all is well at that end. Why am I the only one suffering?

And then, one day I decide it is enough. I tell myself, that I will make a conscious effort to forgive and forget. I decide to concentrate instead, on the good times we had, the special moments we shared, the things I loved about us.  It makes me smile. They were indeed the best times of my life. Then I mentally thank that person for having been a part of my life and bringing me that happiness. I bless that person and say I forgive you for everything. And do so with all my heart. And then I let go. 

Miraculously I feel lighter. Like a burden has been lifted off my chest. I feel good, I feel at peace. As the days pass, I no longer think about and fret about the things that have been said or done.  Slowly, the aches disappear and I feel alive all over again. I sometimes do think about that person, but I’m not spiteful when I do so. I can smile and wave at that person when our paths cross without a hint of grudge or hate. 

A small act of forgiveness. 

That was something i did for myself....

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