Sunday, December 2, 2012

From the diary of a nobody.....

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 34; the thirty-fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is "Of-Course, I'm insane"

                                                 ******************

Of course, I am insane.


How else will I explain my inglorious life to my maker? Can I tell HIM I was too naïve to know the difference between a murderer and a martyr? Can I tell HIM that I was just another rootless, jobless desperado who was willing to kill in the name of religion? How will I explain the blood on my hands, that of countless innocent victims, whom I slaughtered in the name of my maker? Will HE understand that all of this was for a starving, naked, roofless family? That family, which now disowns me...

Disowned by my country, shunned by my village and forgotten by my family, this is not how I wanted to live and die. I did not want to be wasted like this, disenfranchised, impoverished, uneducated and frustrated, with nothing at stake and no one to call my own. Becoming nothing but a mere puppet!

When I was a kid, I never saw a puppet show. I never played with puppets or had any interest in them. Maybe if I had, I would have known what it is like to be pulled on a string.  I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything.  But the moment when you let someone run your life is the moment when you have become a puppet in someone else's world. I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, and a pawn; I've been up and down and over and out, and I know one thing now; my existence was absolutely worth nothing!

I wonder if my father got the piece of land and the pot of gold that lured me here. I wonder if my sisters have been able to get married and my mother cured of her ailments. I wonder if they know I will be dead as dawn breaks.

Now as I lie down shifting uneasily, I pray that the dawn never breaks. I can smell death around the corner. It is sneaking in and its all encompassing laughter terrifies me. No one can confidently say that he will be living tomorrow, but to know that I will actually not be is unnerving. I was trained to be unafraid, so I wonder why I am? Then I realize I am not as afraid of death as I am of meeting my maker...

While I thought I was learning how to live, I was actually learning how to die. And now I can only hope Death releases me from the impressions of the senses, and from desires that made me their puppets, from the vagaries of the mind, and from the hard service of the flesh. I hope that from my rotting body, flowers shall grow and lovely blue butterflies shall flutter around and I am in them and that will be eternity.

As I try not to think of how my body will jerk violently as the noose tightens around my neck and how I will feel the breath ebb slowly out of my body, I wonder, ‘Was I really insane?’

                                                          *********************
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Introduced By: BLOGGER NAME, Participation Count: 01


47 comments:

  1. I pity the human,a lovely story woven with a magic. All the very best for BAT dear :) Take care!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Reflecting the current scenario... There are several people among those groups who feel guilty for what they are doing... And you have represented it good.. ATB for the BAT... :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. true...unfortunately it is too late by the time they realise it! thanks for ur wishes and all the best to u too!

      Delete
  3. Such mix of complex emotions .. great stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awesome! The simple fact is that every terrorist suffers from insanity.. And every time something happens, I think of the sinister minds..ugh..so ridiculous:(
    very well expressed, princess :))
    Yeah...its wonderful how we thought and wrote on the same line :))
    Am busy in a wedding, shall reply later....
    ATB for BAT~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. true...so effectively have they been brainwashed...

      Thank you!! glad u liked it...and you know what makes it spookier!!!we have posted it at approx the same time...!!

      Delete
  5. All terrorists are insane, I agree. But we need to hang the main people who create these puppets of terror. ATB for BAT :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. and unfortunately..they continue to roam free and create more such terror houses...sad:(

      btw..thanks and all the best to u!

      Delete
  6. Beautifully written. All the best! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well written... Good usage of word without too sympathetic on a terrorist ... Brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  8. seeing from the other perspective. we usually just think from the victim's eyes.
    never from the perpetrator's. spooky & well written.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hmm..and the thought that went into this post was, did he finally regret doing what he did? did he realise he was being used? that he was just a 'bali ka bakra'? and not a martyr like he was being made out to be....

      Delete
  9. hmmmm well I am not sure if i feel sorry for the person , although it is ttrue that for one side a person is a terrorist while on the other he is a martyr .. But the person in question was neither ..

    as he was shunned by his own country and people

    A lovely post though and written well , all the best

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. there is no forgiveness and no sympathizing for the heinous crimes though...

      only my thoughts on whether the reminder of meeting his maker brings out the human side in him or does he still remain unaffected....i thought it would have... even if for a fleeting moment...

      Delete
    2. well believe me when the end comes we all remember the almighty.. I have seen it a few times now .. the hardest of the men break down .. when they see it that near ..

      Delete
  10. very well written post, these terrorists are trained (brainwashed) to fight a proxy war for their country and religion, once they wage this war, their own country, own people and religion disown them. They are forced to live rest of their life in exile not even knowing what happened to their families. They are just pawns, used and thrown!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. if only they realise that.....and yes families are the greatest hit...

      Thank u for stopping by....

      Delete
  11. I liked your post. It was like people said earlier from a victim's pov and not a terrorist. Sometimes I have thoughts like what if, you know people could have education, money or at least the basic things would they commit such heinous crimes??

    I feel sorry, truly sorry for people who are victims of such a brutal conspiracy. Not only have I felt bad for people who have died by the hands of these people but even for the one killing. Truly they are mere puppets and though their crimes can't be forgiven, the law should not rejoice on hanging such people but the root cause should be found out. But, then again it is the poor and the penniless that has always suffered and will keep on suffering, some kill on a mass basis and are labelled as terrorist(here I'm saying about the slave and not the master) and some are just thieves and kill.

    I think, I really think of those people who do things in the name of religion what will happen to them when death will come knocking on their door. It is then that I pray that if not here they pay for their sins there in the after world, for not only killing others but making innocent people killers and luring them as they know they've got no other option.

    I really loved your post and I wanted to write, what I've written in your comment but I just wasn't able to get the right words until now.

    All the very best for the competition..and yes it's a lovely blog :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Arcane...

      you are so right, and unfortunately only the puppets get punished and the people who should actually be punished go scot free...

      i am glad my post got you voicing ur opinion on this sensitive issue....and do keep visiting..

      Delete
  12. Very original. Nice expressions.

    PS: Whatever you have written, writing it in the form of a poem would have been the best way to express. This is just my personal opinion

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Neeta!

      poems no doubt enhance the beauty of the written word, but in this particular post, im glad i didn't because a dear friend has written a lovely poem on the SAME theme for the SAME contest!!! so it would have been repetitive...

      but do read my other poems... the forbidden fruit, ah! to be that river, and many others...and do let me know how u liked them...

      Delete
  13. I agree with Neeta,Very original. And very well written. :)
    Yes, these are the people who fall for wrong words and instructions, ideology, religion and used as a pawn endangering the lives of thousand people.

    ATB for BAT!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you Rohan! that's so true and sad too! like someone said, only if they had gotten some right education....

      Delete
  14. EK DUM KADAK ..!
    NICE STYLE OF WRITING..
    I LOVED THE FLOWER PART OF IT TOO.. THAT HOPE AFTER DEATH>>

    ReplyDelete
  15. A really wonderful post :) What goes on in the minds of those, we shall never know. Maybe they do repent! All the best for BAT! Enjoyed reading this post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea..like Bikram pointed out, during those last few hours when they know death is imminent, maybe they do repent....

      thank you! glad u liked it!

      Delete
  16. You have penned the thought process of a terrorist in a wonderful way. The difference between a martyr and the murderer is elementary but complicated and that complication is well conveyed in your post. Nice work :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. unfortunately they are projected as martyrs by their own people and that is the image they carry in their minds.

      Thank you for reading...

      Delete
  17. Amazingly well written.. :)) Reading you after such a long time.. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh yes, it's the insanity that drives them to do such heinous crimes without remorse! Wonderfully expressed.

    ReplyDelete

  19. Hi, I am Anjan Roy, A little known blogger of “Anjan Roy’s Vision- Imagination” & I hereby nominate your blog for THE LIEBSTER BLOG AWARD. For more details kindly refer to Liebster Blog Award post at http://anjan5.blogspot.com/2012/12/a-moment-to-cherish-liebster-award.html/, I am Awaiting for your comments, Thanks…!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Replies
    1. thank u my dear! have already been to ur blog..maybe i've been a little lazy to comment...! u have a nice blog too!

      Delete
  21. Replies
    1. it did!!! :) its the comment moderation that caused the delay!

      Delete

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person..deep gratitude for those who have lighted the flame within me!! your comments will be appreciated..

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...