Saturday, April 1, 2017

A - 5 ways to deal with Argumentative people


Have you ever come across people who love to argue? Not those people who might sometimes disagree with you, but those who disagree for disagreement sake? The kind who argue because they love to? They enjoy proving you otherwise, just for the thrill of it. Oh, yeah, they sure are around aplenty! It could the wife, the boss at work, that friend from high school, or the neighbor with acute political views.

Arguing with them is like that proverbial fight with the pig - at the end of the argument, you will realize that while you were getting all dirty, the pig was quite enjoying it! What do you do if you unwittingly get dragged into an argument with them?

Don’t tell them they are wrong.
If there’s one thing the argumentative kind love, it is being told that they are wrong. They’ll fight even harder to prove themselves right! It is a kind of a defense mechanism to them. Use ‘hmmm’ instead. The hmmm with the right sound indicates that you know that they are wrong but would rather spare yourself the time and energy! It’s difficult to get them to see your point of view, as they think they are always right.


Don’t suggest what they should do.
For one, they do not need any advice or suggestion from you. Everything you say will be met with an excuse or reason why your suggestion is not feasible. They will expertly find 'problems' in every solution and leave you breaking your head in disgust. Instead, tell them what you want them to do, not as a request, not as a suggestion, not as an advice, just in plain sentences – say, ‘I need you to do this’ and not ‘can you do this?’


Don’t use words like cool it, take a chill pill, relax…
This can be quite the trigger to have an extended argument. The people who argue just for the sake of arguing feel that everything around them, people, circumstances, events, etc. are to blame. Telling them to chill, can make matters icy! This can misfire and lead to you being accused of not being sensitive enough to their feelings. Rather, it’s you who needs to take a chill pill! Take a break and tell them you can get back to the topic sometime later when both are in a better frame of mind.  


Don’t get carried away.
Pause for a moment and think if the argument means anything to you at all. Did you get sucked in without wanting to? Is proving yourself right so important? Does the outcome of the argument affect you in any way? If not, then there’s no need to carry on arguing. Excuse yourself and walk away.


Find humor or common ground.
Humour is a good way of exiting an argument without hurting yourself or the other person. But humor has a fine line of balance between causing offense and lightening the situation. Another way is to find something common for both of you to agree on. Yet another way is to divert the topic to something more pleasant.


Do you deal with argumentative people often? How do you deal with them?   

42 comments:

  1. This is PERFECT! Actually, mandatory reading for anyone on social media. This is precisely what we must do with arguments online. I use humour to deflect and defuse the situation. Not worth wasting valuable energy on these things.

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    1. Totally not worth wasting our time on these kinds!Thanks for reading Shailaja!

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  2. Humor if timed well can help fix (almost) every difficult situation in life. I have come to resort to silence or mere nods to tackle with argumentative people. Not providing them any fuel to fire their arguments is the most peaceful way to steer clear of useless arguments.
    A cool 5 pointer post to kick start the A to Z challenge. Keep 'em coming!

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    1. That's a very sensible way to handle argumentative people, Era. Thanks for the thumbs up!

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  3. Actually when i bump i to such people i simple ignore. I seldom another indulging in an argument with them as its never a healthy one, where the person seems both sides of the argument.

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    1. True, a healthy argument can be a boon, whereas one like this can be a pain!

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  4. If situation demands, e1 In there life would hv come across these kind of people in their life.. now tackling these situations by applying humorously u hv thought us in this A to Z challenge ... good one
    Anil Gupta

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  5. Sensible advice. It is best to just avoid getting into an argument with them in the first place.
    Happy AtoZing!
    Chicky @ www.mysteriouskaddu.com

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  6. I agree with you. But the problem with people that argue is that usually they don' have a big sense of humour...:(

    -----
    Name: Eva
    Blog: Mail Adventures
    #AtoZ Challenge Theme: Postcards
    Letter A: Adventurers. Because any postcard is a little adventure, isn't it?

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  7. I have so many people around me who fall into this category. Some of them I avoid but some I can't. These tips are really helpful and so true to avoid an argument!!

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  8. Spot on! The first 4 pointers you shared are a big no-no for them. Avoiding such argumentative people is what I do usually, because, it's really an herculean task to stop them from taking that never-ending argumentative path!

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    1. Indeed, once they are in flow, nothing you say will stop them! :)

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  9. OMG you have just defined a quantum of peeps on twitter that do nonsense everyday to get attn- some call it trolling , I just call it nautanki! 😜
    Very well explained n expressed. I am going to Ben reading more as this really connected with me.
    Cheers

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  10. I love the pig analogy and the tip about keeping the humor! Lovely post, Shubhangi!

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  11. Spot on! These are excellent tips to deal with argumentative people. The one I would add is to just walk away - especially on social media. Some people there are simply toxic, constantly pulling others down and refusing to listen to reason.

    Cheers!
    Modern Gypsy

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  12. I have met such people more on social media and it disgusts me. Great start to A to Z, Shubhangi! :)
    Thailand Travel Stories at Kohl Eyed Me
    26 Indian Dishes at Something's Cooking

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    1. And to top it they are strangers too! :) :)

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  13. LOL the pig analogy is so true - sometimes i silence people with sarcasm. The sad part is not every one understands sarcasm!

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    1. True...no everyone understands sarcasm. Try humour without sounding sarcastic. It might help to diffuse the tension.

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  14. These are some really wonderful tricks one can use! Not correcting them and arguing back is the best thing we can do!

    Cheers
    BoisterousBee

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  15. We will never connect to people when their sole purpose of conversing is merely contention, right? :-)

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    1. Absolutely Roland! When you meet such people, just grab your shoes and run!

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  16. You have no idea how important this post is! I wish I could get flyers printed and circulate them around!
    Sadly till recently, I was doing just the opposite of all that you mentioned here and you can imagine my state! Great points, Shubhangi!

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    1. Hahaha DA...The thought of flyers in circulation just made my day! Thanks for reading.

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  17. The only thing I do is, roll my sleeves and run. I seriously don't know how to handle argumentative people. This is an awesome guide to deal with them. I agree that if you tell them they are wrong, they become highly defensive, which can take ugly turns.
    So happy to read you after a long time.

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    1. True, argumentative people do look pretty intimidating! Rolling your sleeves and running is perfect! :)

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  18. I pointed out, once, to my son that women don't like being told to "calm down." He quietly replied that men don't much like it, either. I wonder if being told to "chill" or "calm down" EVER works, or if it's always like throwing gasoline on a fire? ;)

    Your suggestion to pause and think if the argument means anything to you is an excellent one. I was once complimented, by a friend, on how calmly I handled a couple of trolls on Twitter. He didn't realize I'd grown bored and fallen asleep - literally - and had a lovely nap for about two hours. When I woke up, I'd forgotten all about it. I logged back on to see that one of the trolls had apologized and the other had gone off in search of a more entertaining foe.

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    1. Yea, I think it works the same way for both men and women!! Arguments on social media get out of hand sometimes and I think you did well to doze off!! A break really helps! Thanks for reading, Holly!

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  19. That's very awesome and relatable tips.

    I too wrote on the same topics but as usual you are awesome. Mine doesn't even come close. :D

    http://kavisthoughts.blogspot.in/2017/04/a-for-argument.html

    Keep writing

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    1. Hey no, Kavi, I read your post and you have almost the same tips too! I was pleased we did the same word! See you around!

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  20. Very apt, to the point and useful post. Hope to come here more often for sane advice.
    http://poojasharmarao.blogspot.in/2017/04/b-bond-ruskin-inspirational-writers.html

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    1. Hey Pooja, I'm glad you found this useful!

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At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person..deep gratitude for those who have lighted the flame within me!! your comments will be appreciated..

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