The little one has become really naughty. He makes me run
around in circles as I try to feed him,
makes me dance to his whims trying to get him to finish his homework and do
endless crunches clearing up the mess he makes. While people close to me are
marveling (or maybe even getting envious) of how fit I look and how I have lost
so much weight, I am having a tough time convincing them that there is no diet
to thank nor a strict fitness regime.
They do not believe me when I tell them my 5 year old is the
reason for my fitness! “Oh, so you don’t
want to tell us?” they smirk. How can you be so selfish? they ask,
looking wide eyed. Some people have even
offered to bribe me, “You tell me and
I’ll get you any book of your choice.” Ah, yea, people kind of know what
can tempt me. That’s how predictable I have become!
I’m tempted to say
something, anything, just to please them, and get all those titles I’ve been waiting
to pick up. The whole world is minting money with advices, so why not me? Write
out some random diet plan, which is mostly ghaas-phoos
and some walking and exercise and bingo! They have their plan and I get my new
book. And I know that once this ‘New Year resolution’ craze is over, they are
least likely to follow the plan and I will not be blamed if the plan fails. And
if some half crazed friend happens to follow the plan, I am sure all those
weeks of exercise and chewing cud will reflect in the pristine figures that
they will beget!
People love asking
for advice as much as some people love dishing them out. The friendly
neighborhood aunty will always peep into your house should she see you coughing
or get to know that your child is down with fever. Arre, take a decoction of tulsi leaves, ginger and pepper, she will
advice you and then go on to tell you how she makes it for her family each time
they cough, and how well it works, which by the way will be a big lie!
Saas bahu problems? No issues! Someone will
always have some brilliant advice on how to tackle the saas and make life
miserable for her. And god forbid, if you are gullible enough to take that
advice, you are sure turn your own life miserable, whether you achieve that
victory goal against your saas or not!
Child problems? Hubby problems ?Boss problems? Pimple problems? Heart break problem? People have a solution to everything!
Then there are those advice that the dime-a-dozen astrologers on television churn out. I happened to see
one such baba while surfing channels, and sat through the entire half hour show
for the sheer entertainment it provided. Eat dhaniya (coriander) seeds before
you go to work today, he advised the “meen
rashi walon”(Pisceans), you will get promoted. Wow! How easy! Just pop some
coriander seeds and bingo, all Pisceans will get promoted! To hell with
appraisals, office politics and even hard work!! And then the all knowing baba
also went on tell each rashi walon
what color they should wear, who should feed the crows, who should tie pink
threads on all four corners of the bed and who should light a lamp of sunflower
oil under a peepal tree!!
As I made fun of the
guy, a friend gave me a solemn look and said, “See, when you have problems in
your life, you will realize the value of his advice.” And then proceeded to
tell me how “guru was vakri” (Jupiter
was playing havoc!) in her horoscope and causing all the problems in her life! I am amazed people think I lead a problem free
life! “What did he say for kumbh rashi”, she wanted to know.
I have it all figured
out now. I can even become a baba (well, a lady baba, which by the way sounds
like lady gaga to me, but again, that’s beyond the point!) and tell people the
most mundane things and even have my feet kissed.
Ah! So much for free advice!
