Monday, January 14, 2013

Who is to be blamed?

 The Godmen, the bureaucrats, the politicians, and all those self styled moral protectors of the society have strained their voices hoarse over who is to be blamed for the growing crimes against women and have given every possible atrocious solutions to the issue, ranging from covering up the women from head to toe, to keeping her indoors, restricting her to house hold work, from blaming her for not calling her tormentors as brother, to asking her not to step out with any other person other than her own relatives. The conclusion being that the victim is to be blamed for the crime than the perpetrator!

Let us for an instant nod our heads tamely and accept the blame. But how on earth would the so-called moral guardians explain similar assaults on children as young as 2 or 3 and women as old as 60 or 65? When will they accept that, what is lacking is a moral value, what is driving the crime is perhaps frustration or an unsound mind, and what will help is not victimizing the victim but taking steps to ensure that such things do not happen. Isn't it a shame that we are more focused in telling the woman how she should behave, what she should wear or where she can go, rather than pulling up the criminal?

Sacrificing the girl child

Something as simple as letting the girl child live, could save thousands of other girls. Aren’t the two connected? Ironical? Paradoxical? Yet they seem to be connected. It has been discussed on a number of platforms how the decreasing number of girls, has led to a pathetic situation for the men. We have seen how some states are “buying” women for their boys from other states, how men are sharing brides in a blatant repeat of the Mahabharata, and how assaults are the order of the day where neither a bride could be brought nor shared.

So why not let the girl child live and create a healthy ratio of men and women so that such situations do not arise at all? 

Lack of moral Education

By education I do not just mean basic schooling, yes where there is none, the need is for a basic education as well. But the education has to extend beyond the books, beyond mathematics and science and English. Moral education and sex education has to be taught in schools, whether in a rural area or urban. Education is more than a luxury; it is a responsibility that society owes to itself.

Children are more exposed than ever to uncensored content on the internet, newspapers and television. The curiosity to know about the other sex and to experiment is on the rise. With no information from parents at home and teachers in school, they are left at the mercy of information from unreliable sources. Children are not getting enough information about the biological and emotional aspects of sex. 

Talking to the children at home in a open atmosphere, responding to their doubts, teaching them to respect not only women but everyone else and treating others with dignity, from a very young age will inculcate good values that will stay on with them throughout life .

Troubled youngsters should be identified at the school level and counseled at the early stage so that  any  wrong notions are nipped in the bud. An education isn`t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It`s being able to differentiate between what you know and what you don`t and between whether you know right from wrong.


Frustration at not having a job, at being treated unjustly, at being ridiculed can manifest itself in a toxic way.  A depressed or frustrated individual wants to still feel in control, feel powerful and will do anything to feel so, even if it means resorting to the wrong methods. It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail.

While the politicians are busy exercising their power, the rich are becoming wealthier thus adding to their power , we, the middle class, are struggling to keep up with life, even as there is a class below us which is starved of the basics.  They are the most exploited, by politicians and by the business class. And when they turn to crime, we suffer.

Unless there is a direction to their lives and they get to eat well and live well, their frustrations will continue to be directed at us, as the other two are too powerful to be harmed.

These three points may be inter-related or separate. They have to be dealt in terms of how and where they exist. But the clean up has to happen at all levels, the cobwebs have to be removed from every corner . The approach has to go beyond the routine blame game. 

When the roots are rotting, there cannot be healthy fruits and flowers, can there be? 

This post is part of the contest Who is to be blamed? on


  1. The Thought "Something has to be done about it" is deteriorating in itself

    Rather than emphasizing something has to be done, if people change their mindsets to we have to do something about it, maybe things will improve...

    I say maybe because for doing something...mindsets have to be changed...

    1. true..mindsets have to change, the mindset to NOT abort a female foetus, the mindset to treat a women as equal... and that would come from values that the family teaches. Where the son sees the father ill-treating the mother, he learns that it is ok to treat a women disrespectfully. That is where a proper education comes into perspective, not just school room teaching, but the teaching of good values at home.

  2. I totally support the points you have mentioned and they are very very valid, to increase the girl-boy ratio, education and identifying sources..

    But the leaders and Godmen Who makes them WE, who makes the society WE.. and the WE has good and bad .. but the WORST people in the "WE" are those who do nothing , those who stand and watch the tamasha..

    as did the road users on that fateful day, or anyone who was probably there.. TIll that mentality changes things will take a long time to change.. As we read what the rapists had to say .. They were not afraid.. alcohol has a effectI know, I have got DRUNK a lot of times BUT I dont go around raping girls.

    Bigger point is they did not care , they were actually thingking nothing will happen because no one gives a DAMN.. Till "WE" all start to give a damn things wont change..


    1. and what do you think sets you and other like minded men apart? definitely the values that your parents have instilled in you. That is where the respect for women comes from. you will not do wrong because you have received that all important moral education.

      and yes, the most important point, like you said, is the mute spectator, who sees all, and maybe will join in the protest after a wrong has been done, but will not come forward when it is happening. That is so critical, because, stopping a crime from happening, helping when help is needed, shows how you care about each other as a community and that will scare off anyone even thinking of wrong doing.

  3. The rot is much within. Rape is only the end of a spectrum where the girl child/woman is seen as an object to be used. There is a major issue with female fetuses being aborted off in our country. There are instances of girls being given inferior education compared to their brothers. And the boys are brought up with a feeling of superiority over the girls. A society would only develop if we ensure that our girl children/women are cherished, respected and allowed to grow till their maximum potential. There is a lot of things to unlearn before we can think about making any progress in this issue.

    1. true...everybody wants a mother, sister, wife but not a daughter, on one hand we invoke the supreme goddess and pray to her, and the same hand will not tremble before hitting/ ill- treating a women. we will say the gayatri mantra with elan, but poor gayatri has no right to be educated and fed properly. that's the irony...and when this changes a lot will change.

  4. we need to change our attitudes first but at the same times laws and regulations should also support us.

    1. no doubt, stricter laws are needed, harsher punishments will act as a impediment for the criminals.

  5. Well said. The ratio thing itself is more than half the solution. It all starts there.

  6. ery aptly said. It is true that some of the social evils in our Society are solely our own making. We have seen about the killing of girl child in Satyamev Jayate, we know that dowry has brought so much pain to the Society but we fail to be a part of the solution. We look at the problems, lament, blame but take no action which is more ironical. Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result.

    I have also dedicated my blog to address some social evils particularly dowry system and female infanticide. There's not much participation by women on this issue which is a surprise to me.

    I firmly believe that awareness, education and participation can make a little difference to curtail these evils in our society.

    Your valuable comments on my blog are highly appreciated.


At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person..deep gratitude for those who have lighted the flame within me!! your comments will be appreciated..

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