Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Where the mind is without fear....

An adventure trip with friends among lush green Dandeli forests and an amazing Kali river flowing by...the best combination ever! Except when your friends insist 'getting into the water.' The waters and me have been polar opposites since time immemorial - me, not knowing how to wade in them and well, they not knowing how to withstand me without making me sink.

A coracle ride eased me considerably. I sat back and enjoyed the cool waters as my friends rowed away. Easy! The waters seemed to beckon...and instinctively I hugged my life jacket that had wrapped itself around me like a shield.

Satisfied, I smiled. I was safe.




They soon rowed us to a natural Jacuzzi amidst the rocks. Water cascaded beautifully, looking inviting and scary at the same time. One tug at my life jacket, and I felt confident enough to take a step forward. The series of mini waterfalls thunderously streaming down and the bunch of people roaring with happiness had managed to raise my enthusiasm!.

But before I could step in, the boatmen, asked me to surrender my jacket. I was no Karna to let go of my kavach so easily! Now how does one explain to those wild water loving jerks that I am capable of drowning even in one square inch of water? Nevertheless, off came the life jacket seeming to carry with it all hopes of saving my own life.

Gingerly stepping under one lovely cascade and having managed to find a foot hold, (and a hand hold and a back hold) I looked every inch like a spider precariously hanging in its web trying not to be washed away by the water current.

But pleasure of pleasures, it was by far the most exciting thing I had done in a long, long time! And like a kid who has to be forcible dragged out of his favorite play store, I had to be reluctantly dragged out of the natural water jacuzzi!



The water enthusiasts had apparently not had enough. Because what came soon after was a battle to conquer the rapids and raft across it. They assured me I would enjoy White Water Rafting, just as I had enjoyed the coracle ride and the Jacuzzi.

Who was I to question their wisdom? Hadn't I actually enjoyed the ride so far? So, the jackets were strapped on again, I had bitten the bait.

An oar was thrust into my quivering hands, a barrage of instructions delivered, my feet locked under a strap that looked like it could unstrap anytime, and we were all set to raft across the frothy white waters under the thunder, lightening and rains.

'Team, row forrr..wad' barked the ace boatmen and like obedient school children we row, row, rowed our boat forwards.

One sharp slap on my head and a mock later, I realised I had been rowing in the wrong direction!

By the time I could adjust to rowing the right way, another order followed, "Team...oars in annndd duck."

That meant we were going to cascade down a rapid. My heart pounded furiously and wildly, and I hoped the thumping would not upturn the coracle.



A Whoosh and a Splash later we had descended down the rapid like a knife through butter. Water splashing inside had filled up everything, the coracle and our senses included.

The coracle spun wildly out of control, and then we heard the orders again.."team, rowww...forrr...wad".

Obedient as we were, we rowed again and luckily I did it right this time. I could guarantee, it was my excitement that soaked me this time.

The thrill of it was exhilarating and I was sad that I spent my time being fearful instead of enjoying it.

As if reading my mind, the boatman barked again, "team, row...baaackk...wads" and his command was greeted by a huge roar from all of us. We went back again and again for another six times and I was surprised how my fear seemed to have dissipated. Each time was more amazing than the previous one and by our sixth ride we were totally exhausted.

"More....?" barked the boatman.

"Yes" we chorused.

"Ok, then jump in...go ahead..."

What? jump into the river? What if I drowned? 

I had voiced it loud enough for everyone to hear. All but me had dived in and I sat stuck to my place nodding my head and gripping the coracle ever so tightly.

"Either you jump or I throw you in" said the boatman and he advanced menacingly towards me.

Like an threatened child, I quickly climbed down. As quickly as i jumped in, I bobbed up, the buoyancy of the jacket holding me in place.



And then....a sense of calm set in.


The cool water enveloped me in its arms, the weightlessness of my own self was overwhelming and I felt myself go into a meditative trance. The fear of drowning was gone. I closed my eyes and floated, even danced a little.

Isn't life exactly the same? We face problems and we begin doubting the existence of God. God and his mysterious way. He always knows how to reach out to his children, doesn't he? He gives us troubles and we become fearful. We don't see that life jacket that he firmly wraps around us in whatever form it might be. And when the life jacket is not around, then we can be sure that he knows that we'd be able to handle it very well....like in the Jacuzzi. It is when you surrender that he takes off all your load....just like how I had felt that weightless in the water.

All we need to do is to trust him. Trust that he will see us through.


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

100 words on a Saturday -7

Image: Pixabay.com




I knew it was my last day there,
My hearth and home that I was leaving behind,
Glistening eyes, mirroring my heart,
Drenching my soul in grief sublime.

Glimpses of a life less lived,
Belaboring the veneer that I hid beneath,
Exposing the despicable being I was,
Filling me with melancholy and regret.

The wheels turned and all was gone,
That last day perishing like I had,
What meaning could it hold anymore?
Those tears that could not be shed in time.

Take me back,
Turn the clock behind,
Let me live again,
And it would be right this time

**********************************************************************


Linking back to Sugandha's prompt on write tribe for 100 words on a Saturday-7

Sunday, October 6, 2013

The brown belt.

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 42; the forty-second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is "COLOR"



Abhay pulled up his trousers for the umpteenth time, like every day. He almost did it subconsciously like it was akin to breathing. Any trouser was a misfit on those skinny hips of his. But he never wore a belt. Wearing a belt brought back memories.

Image: Pixabay.com


Painful Memories.

Those of his father. Of the putrid smell of alcohol mixed with smoke. Of his towering, overpowering presence in their shanty. Of being thrashed mercilessly. That snaking brown belt. Around his father's rotund belly. How he dreaded it when his father ripped it off it's favourite perch! How he cowered when it found its way on to him! Of the blue and red strips on his back and hands, and his legs and face. Across his ears. Yeah, that incident had left him partially deaf. And partially blind. He remembered withering away slowly. The years of wetting his bed after evenings of whippings.  The feeling of sleeping on a bed of thorns. The ache penetrating every nerve ending in his body. 

The belt. The brown belt.


Why him? he wondered. Was it his mother? Was it because she ran away? Or was it because she ran away with his best friend? Maybe he reminded him of his mother. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the penury. 

Memories.

Beads of perspiration began to form on his forehead as he thought about them. He felt a pool of water forming at his feet. His trouser soaking in the warm wetness. His slippers starting to smell.

Memories.

Shalini. The only love of his otherwise drab life. What a breath of fresh air she was! Warm like the sunshine, untouched like the morning dew, and delicate like a flower. He smiled as he thought of her and how much colour she had added to his life. And then the smile turned to a cry as her lifeless body spun around in his head. His piercing cry rented the air as he buried his face into his palms letting the tears of anguish flood them. The black burns of cigarette butt on her unblemished skin, the teeth marks that had left behind red blood clots, and the look of terror on her face had shattered him. And then he saw his father. Lying next to her, consumed by alcohol, consumed by lust, consumed by his own apathy. The brown belt lying next to him. 


He had run out and retched till his stomach hurt. The years of being thrashed seemed painless now. 

He returned a little while later. He looked at her body lying limp on the ground, terror still evident in her eyes. He sat down beside her and wept. The beast still lay asleep. Abhay reached into his pockets and felt the silver cold metal against his warm hands.  His fingers slid effortlessly into the groove underneath. They landed a string of six messengers of death into his father’s head. The smell of burnt flesh pervaded his senses as he bent down to feel his father’s pulse. There was no sign of life.

Then he closed her eyes shut. She had seen enough. Enough for redemption. He removed the ragged brown belt lying next to the beast and fastened it around his neck like a noose. Pulling it tight till he felt the neck snap.

Just to be sure. 

Just symbolically.

He smiled. And pulled up the trouser weighed down by the wetness. The smell didn’t bother him any more.

The brown belt. It was no more.

They were now just memories.
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. Participation Count: 04

Monday, September 23, 2013

Good ol' days!!

I happened to catch an old song from the movie Aashique (yep, it's the old one I'm talking about, the Annu Agrawal-Rahul Roy one..) and it opened a floodgate of memories. I remember watching this movie with the people in our apartment. We were quite a large group, must've been around 35 people, young and old. It was a long weekend and my neighbour's turn to sponsor. That was how it was, one of us sponsoring the movies every other month... So we all assembled at their house post lunch, waiting to know which movie we would be viewing today. The neighbour announced the name of the movie and we gave a collective whistle of approval.

We all settled into our "seats", the kids on the carpet on the ground and the elders occupying the chairs and sofas, waiting for the movie to begin. Oh, did I not tell you that we were watching it on VCP? The 'VCP' or the 'video cassette player' was the most 'in' thing those days and we didn't even have to own it...it was available on rent for a mere Rs.70/- for 24 hrs!! So we would select a weekend when we could 'fully utilise' the VCP for all it was worth! Meaning, we would rent out at least 3 video cassettes to watch in the 24 hour span even if meant putting all other work on the back burner! If the VCP was brought at 2pm, we would catch one movie in the 2-5pm slot and return for the next one in the night for a 8-11pm show. The last one would be post breakfast the next day, finishing just in time for the return!

In case you haven't seen one before- that's the VCP for you!


In between a potluck of snacks from all the members and cups of hot ginger tea, it would be so much fun watching movies together like that! No amount of PVR movie watching with bags of butter popcorn and cola, can give me that high ever! In between repeating songs that we wanted to view again, fast forwarding scenes that could be even slightly considered adult in nature, amidst shared knowing glances and suppressed smiles, to pausing when someone had to visit the washroom, it was the most exhilarating experience ever!!

This brings to mind something else too....watching a movie in open air with an entire colony!! During Ganesh-Utsav, the colony would rent a screen-projector and we would all be out in the open ground, hurrying to catch a coveted seat and watch the movie together...and erupt in collective applause when Rajesh Khanna would coax his elephant with a melodious "Chal chal chal mere haathi...."

My kids would never know what it would be to gather like that. This kind of community living is totally lost on them! Maybe they'd even think it was annoying! Makes me wonder if I really belong to the stone age!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

An unexpected visitor and a lot of yap!!

 Yeah, that was what yesterday morning brought for me.

I was at the gym, sweating it out, when a phone call interrupted my session. A relative, I had not met in a long time was waiting at my door. Finding no response after ringing the door bell several times( ringing the bell a couple of times should have told her I'm not at home...as if I would be at home and not answer the door...!) she called on my mobile. Asking her to wait, I cut short my workout and headed back home, wondering who visits people so early in the morning (well, it was not that early, but 10 am is still early , no?!)

A warm hug greeted me before I could even open the door, making me feel all sticky and arrggg...dripping as I was, in my own sweat.

"Jogging?" she asked.

"I was at the gym," I told her.

"What's wrong with you, fancy going to the gym at your age!" she exclaimed, eyes wide with surprise.

Wow! I felt like a 100 year old already! At my age? What's exercising got to do with my age? And by the way, I'm not a day older than 18!  (that's what I like to think anyways....) It was the first time when someone had actually made a mention of my age and I was definitely not liking it!

"Sorry?" I asked, as if I had not actually understood what she said.

"You are a mother of two, married for 11 years now, right? Whom are you trying to impress now?" she mocked. "Don't tell me you are aspiring to be a model." She let out a small laugh. Enough to make my blood boil.

What sort of crap was this? I thought. "I'm only trying to stay fit, aunty." I said, trying to remain calm.

She was still laughing. I wondered what she was finding so funny about me going to the gym.Before she could say something else, I excused myself to freshen up.

A cold bath had calmed me up and I sat across her inquiring about other things besides the purpose of her visit. I saw her repeatedly shooting glances at my arm and then came the next all important question.

"What's that on your arm?" she said, turning it towards her to have a closer look.

"A tattoo" I replied with a straight face, now knowing what would come next.

"A tattoo?" her eyes so wide with disbelief, that for a moment I thought, that they would just roll out of their socket. "Which sensible woman with two kids and married for 11 years gets a tattoo on her arm?"

"Me." I replied smiling.

She shook her head in disapproval. "You must learn to act your age... (Oh no not again!) A proper 'gruhini' (read housewife) doesn't do all this.(Really?) You must also wear a saree, you are not a college going student any more." she said, looking at my lovely flower printed long skirt (wait a minute, was she secretly admiring it?)

Ah! some people, I tell you!
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Linking back to Suzy's prompt on write tribe.. here are the details...Free Tribe.











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