M - 5 tips to Tame the Monkey Mind

Our mind is a tricky place. Billions of thoughts cross our mind every day, vying for attention and action!  Studies say that a staggering 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts cross the human mind per day, which means that we think anywhere between 40- 50 thoughts in a minute or about one thought per second!

Well, that’s not all, because the thoughts do not just come to our mind, they criss-cross, jump, meander and wander at will! And before you realise it, a simple thought can run into hundreds of parallel or unconnected thoughts in a single moment! How does one tame this monkey mind that shows no keenness to slow down?

Be Aware.

With our thoughts running at the speed of light or maybe faster, we carry out most activities without even being aware of it. In the morning, we get into our cars and begin our drive, say, to our office. The next thing we realise is that we are already parking our car in the parking lot. We are not even aware how we drove to office! In fact, we do every task as if we are automated machines. We eat, but we have no idea what we ate or how much we ate! We start a task, and we continue doing it, all the while letting our minds be plagued by a million thoughts.

That is why it is so important to bring awareness into whatever you do. Don’t focus on the past or the future but limit your thoughts to the present. Employ all your senses when you do a task.  When you eat, devote yourself to eating. Look at the food, smell its aroma, feel the texture with your hand, and tongue, pleasure your taste buds and feel it fill your stomach and heart. Express gratitude to the Lord for putting food on your plate. Chew every morsel well.

Don’t resist your thoughts.

If you resist your thoughts, they tend to persist – much like a nagging child. Don’t shoo them away. Instead, develop the art of listening to your mind. Listen to what the mind keeps chattering about all the time. Give it a patient hearing. Listening helps to not just have clarity in your thoughts but also to lets you plan what should be done about it. If you just keep pushing the thoughts out of the mind, they keep coming back with renewed vitality and continue to occupy your mind space.

Be thankful.

Being grateful for everything that we experience in our day to day life is a simple yet underrated practice. When the mind is filled with thankful thoughts, it begins to fill our heart with joy. Slowly it becomes a part of our thoughts. Negative thoughts are replaced with positive ones.

Meditate.

Meditation is easier said than done. But learning to sit quietly for a little time every day, learning to breathe well, to relax and simply let the mind idle away can have long lasting benefits.  Meditation is known to bring about physiological, psychological and physical changes in us- every cell in the body undergoes change and is filled with energy and healing. It is this renewed vigour in the cells that results in the positive changes that occur in the body.

As you learn to meditate, your breathing becomes more rhythmic, heart rate stabilises, and the mind and the body relax. With regular practice of meditation, you will be able to sleep better, stay stress-free, and even concentrate better.

Sleep well.

Sleeping well is quite important to have a healthy body and a healthy mind. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, so that the body’s internal clock falls into a pattern. What works for one person will not necessarily work for another, so choose your sleep hours according to your lifestyle. Eat light. Limit technology at bed time. Over a period of time, not only will the body learn to relax completely but your mind will learn to calm down as well. 

L - 5 beautiful Love poems

Love is a beautiful emotion. It is the basis for any relationship, be it between parent and child, man and woman, between siblings, or friends. But what forms the basis of love? Here are 5 beautiful poems that sum up the essence of love.

Express it!

 True, isn’t it? What use is the love that you hold in your heart? Show it and shower it on the one you love. Love without expression is like a song without the music and lyrics! 

Overlook the faults.

We all have our flaws, yet we expertly pick the imperfections of our loved ones. Learn to overlook the failings of the other if love is to blossom.  

Don’t change.

Is it love that changes with time? The most beautiful stories of love are of those who have stood together like rocks in good times and bad.  

Give space.

Love can be suffocating if there’s no space. Two individuals cannot always have the same interests, likes, and dislikes.  Learn to give space for the both of you to grow and give a chance to discover each other all over again. 

Mind the tongue.

Harsh words once spoken are like the bullet that has been fired from a gun. No matter what you do, the damage it causes cannot be undone. Hence mind your tongue and resist the urge to spew venom in your bitter moments. The moments will pass but the poison will stay forever.

Conversely, not conversing can lead to a lot of misunderstandings. So keep the communication going always. 

What's your favourite love poem?   

K - 5 things never to say to your Kid

As parents, we want the best for our kids. Yet, we sometimes get angry, impatient or annoyed with our little ones for various reasons. I’m not going to argue if the reasons are right or wrong, it all depends on the situation you are in at that moment. But irrespective of what our circumstances are, I believe there are certain things you must never say to your kids.

You are good for nothing (Demoralising)

Kids are clumsy, they spill, they break, they drop, but they are learning. Just because they do not have a careful hand, don’t brand them as ‘good for nothing.’ They might be slow learners at school or not be competitive enough at sports, but just because they haven’t shined yet, don’t brand them as ‘good for nothing.’ Being demoralised like this will make them scared to take up any assignment or task.

Instead, teach them the correct way to do things. Help them clean up when they make a mess. Be patient when they are slow to learn. That’s the way they are going to learn. Children who learn from their mistakes not only grow up to be responsible adults but also do not fear taking risks.

Don’t you dare…or else…(Threatening)

Kids can get annoying sometimes and it gets difficult to get them to listen to you. They might throw a tantrum, but don’t lose your temper. Don’t threaten to send them away to the boarding school or to somewhere you know they fear. Don’t threaten them with taking away their prized possessions.  For you, it’s an empty threat, but it can leave kids fearful and bruised. You don't want your kid to grow up into a meek and timid adult, do you?  

A cousin who used to threaten her daughter like that when she was younger, has now grown into a tween who cries herself sick if she cannot find her mother for a moment when in a gathering.  

You are too young for this (Undermining)

We do fear for our kids’ safety and we would never want to endanger them with risky activities. By all means, be guarded but give them the freedom to explore and learn. Don’t inundate them with too many instructions and don’t keep telling them that they are too young for this and that. Be their guide and help them do what they set out to do.

My little one loves to cook and chop. He was just six when he held the knife for the first time. I was scared as hell, I didn’t want him to accidentally chop his finger. But I didn’t want to discourage him too, so I let him help me with the chopping and cleaning and cooking. Of course, all under my hawk eye. I brought him safety equipment like plastic knives so that he doesn’t injure himself, but I didn’t want to tell him that he’s too young to do something.

I hate you (Dissociating)

This is one of the worst things you can ever, ever, ever, say to your child. Think of how you’d feel if someone you loved the most said something like that to you. Well, those feelings are multiplied manifold for a child. No matter what your child has done, never tell them that you hate them. It erodes their self-confidence, makes them feel lonely and depressed, it makes them feel dissociated from you. You don’t want to scar your child for life, do you? Even though that time will pass, they will carry the bitterness a long way into their adulthood.

You are a bad person (guilt tripping)  

No child should ever be told that they are bad. Don’t leave the child feeling guilty. People are never bad, only their actions are. And when it comes to kids, they have no idea about the repercussions of their actions. They don’t do things knowingly, unlike adults. Putting them in a guilty spot is harsh. They surely don’t deserve it.   

Kids are like wet clay. It is up to us to make impressions that they will cherish for a lifetime, not those that will scar them for life. Don’t stop them from questioning. The questions might be irritating, but the little one is learning the hows and whys. You keep dodging their questions and soon they will stop asking. Don’t let this be a cause of regret later.

J - 5 Joys to cherish before they perish

Joys don’t last forever. Like sorrows, they come with the expiry date stamped on them. They are like the rainbow, you must wait for them but make sure to enjoy them before they fade away! Here are 5 joys which you must cherish before they perish.

The joy of cuddling up with your child-

Children grow up all too soon. Before you know it, they are as tall as you! You cannot baby talk them anymore, can’t kiss and hug them in public and can’t make them sit on your lap or sing a lullaby! Well, technically you can, but your child might not like it! So, cherish the joy of spending time with your little one before they grow out of your lap. Quality time is what you should be looking at. Watching TV together does not qualify, neither do attending family functions! Aim at playing with them, taking a stroll in the park, reading out to them, listening to their chats and such activities. Trust me, the will cherish these little joys all their life! 

The joy of curling up on your parents lap.

As sad as it makes me writing this, our parents probably aren’t going to be around as much as we wish they would. As we get busier with our careers and lives, we tend to forget the hands that nurtured us. Just living in the same house with them or visiting them as and when we can, is not going to be enough. As with the kids, spending quality time with the parents is important too. Sit with them, listen to them talk, take them out and ensure that their twilight years are happy and comfortable.

The joy of having fun with your friends.

Again, as we grow in our careers, friends take a back seat. But friends are perhaps the only people who keep us grounded, humoured, sanitised and crazy, not to forget youthful! No matter how old you get, being with friends will take you back to your youth. These are people who have been a part of your growing up years and been by your side in your times of struggle - no one will understand you better than they do. Keep them close always.

The joy going crazy with your partner.

Our partners are probably the most under-valued people in our lives. As years roll by, we start taking them for granted, and their presence becomes like the ubiquitous salt. Salt is an inseparable part of a dish, but no one acknowledges its presence. We only realise it’s absence when we forget to add salt someday. Like salt, don’t relegate your partner’s presence to the background. The joy that the partner can bring into our lives cannot be substituted. The children grow up and go away, parents pass on but the partner keeps you strong and going at all times. Whatever your schedule, don’t let distances or priorities keep you away - physically, yes, sometimes because it is inevitable; but mentally, never.

The Joy of loving yourself.

The last, but definitely not the least, is the joy of loving ourselves. Being in love with ourselves is as important as showering our love on others. A joyous inside reflects on the outside too. Show yourself some love, pamper yourself with some attention, and do things that you enjoy. Bask in the joy of loving yourself.

What would you add to this list?

I - 5 tips for partnering with an Introvert

Opposites, they say, attract. Well, in my case, it worked exactly that way! The self-confessed, extrovert in me found itself being attracted to the painfully shy introvert in my husband! While I was loud and outspoken and brash, he was so soft-spoken and polite that I wondered how we hit it off in the first place! He was vehemently opposed to noise and I loved being outdoors! I was at times so scared that I might do or say that could offend or hurt him. But over time, I learnt what a gift it is for an extrovert like me to be married to an introvert like him.

Here are 5 tips for you, especially if you and your partner are an  extrovert - introvert combination!

Find the middle path.

It is a given that both like to do things differently and also enjoy different things. But the trick is to find the middle path.  For example, I realised that hubby hates the outdoors because he abhors the crowds and the noise. So, we planned our outings to places that are not as crowded and yet fun to be. I am quite at home in a sea of people and have a lot of friends but he prefers a closed unit. Amongst us, we have a smaller circle of friends, that is not too small and not too large, but it is extremely close knit.

Don’t push beyond their limit.

Even if your partner is an introvert, they will do their best to accommodate your desires and fancies, if they love you. But in the zeal to get them to do more, don’t push them beyond their limits and don’t try to change them. Introverts tend to withdraw further if you try to keep poking - very much like a tortoise. It might, however, take a few trials and errors to know how far your partner will go.

Be patient.

Introverts are not always shy and wrapped up in their cocoons. They can sometimes surprise you with their candor. The trick is to be patient. As tempting as it might get to flood their ears with your sweet cooing, learn to listen. It helps if you know what their interests are and you are able to start a conversation with such topics. They might speak little but it’s pretty enlightening to hear them speak if you can keep quiet for some time!   

It’s okay to do things separately.

Disagreements are commonplace when you want to do everything together. But like chalk and cheese, extroverts and introverts have a lot in uncommon! Resist the urge to plan all your time together. If there are things that you really want to do, go ahead with you gang but don’t drag the reluctant partner with you. The space that you give each other will make the relationship stronger as will the time that you spend together.

Go easy on the PDA.

It is quite a normal reaction for an extrovert to expect and show a lot of PDA. But Introverts are not really into PDA the way you want them to be. They have their own way of showing affection which might be much more meaningful and deep. If you find that your partner is not comfortable with it, don’t embarrass them by persisting with your overtures. 

The same goes for expecting compliments, thank-yous, that's-so-sweet-of-yous, you-are-best, etc etc. 

  

 Are you and your partner an extrovert-introvert combination? Does it work in your favour or against it?