H is for Happiness.....

Happiness they say is a state of the mind. 

I didn’t quite understand that. Whose state of mind? Mine or others? What state of mind? There is so much driving me mad that I don’t really know how do I take my mind to that blissful state! Sometimes there’s so much emptiness, there’s so much despair, and then, there are circumstances, and situations and people, who will not let me be happy.......or is it really so? 

Yeah, this was so until some time ago. I thought my happiness depends on a whole lot of factors....it depends on everything else but me! No wonder that magic potion called happiness eluded me like the plague!

Co-incidentally, during the same time, I happened to attend a satsang (a spiritual discourse) by my guru, and the topic of the satsang , yes, you guessed it, was Happiness! She said, we are the only ones responsible for our happiness, not other people, not circumstances, not situations, nothing except us. We blame others for our unhappiness because it’s easy and it gives us a cushion to hide behind. If you are in pain, can anyone take away your pain? No? Then how can anyone take away your happiness?

I am not happy because...I have a reason.

I am upset because...... I have a reason.

I am hurt because.....I have a reason.

And reasons are all we have! How convenient!!

Whom are we trying to kid, putting the onus of our happiness on others?

We often tend to forget that happiness is not a result of getting something we did not have....it is a result of recognising and appreciating what we already have! A person with one foot could be happy recognising and appreciating that he at least has one foot, when there are more unfortunate guys out there with none at all!!

It is never how much we have....but how much we are able to enjoy what we have! A child playing in the mud could be as happy if not happier than the one playing with expensive toys in the comfort of an air conditioned home!!

 It is not being free from problems and troubles......but the ability to deal with them! Happiness is never a state of perfection...far from it....it is looking beyond the imperfections! It is not having what you want...it is wanting what you have!

Have you ever noticed what happens to you when you are really happy? Tears stream down your cheeks? You feel warm and fuzzy inside? You smile? You are motivated to do more? You feel loved and you love more? Think of situations when you were really happy.....

Celebrating an important event.....getting that much coveted seat in the college of your choice or job of your choice.... Holding your child in your arms for the first time ever.....it could be anything! And who exactly was responsible for your happiness each time? And was it the perfect situation to give you happiness. Chances are they weren’t nearly as perfect.

I’ll tell you what I mean. When my second child was born, he was premature. Holding the tiny one in my arms reduced me to tears. Of course they were tears of happiness. But the situation was not perfect at all....the baby was not only premature, he had broncho-pneumonia at birth and had to be kept in NICU for almost a month after that... and the doctor had briefed us beforehand that this would probably be a possibility. But still the joy of holding the little one is inexplicable!  We could choose to dwell on the fact that he will have to be in the NICU and feel sad about it or feel happy about the fact that he was in our midst, and we had a new addition to the family. Choosing the latter, not only let us enjoy our moment of happiness but also gave us strength to tide through till the baby came home safe and healthy!

I know that not all situations have happy endings, but by savouring the moments of happiness you add to your stock of joyous memories. It is up to you to grow your own happiness in the garden of your life! The only person who can make you happy is you, and when you pass that power to other people, you give them the power to control your smile, your worth and your attitude. So don’t wait for everything to be perfect to be able to be happy.....seize every moment and find happiness in everything that you do!!

Have a happy day!

G is for Giving.....

There’s nothing that is more satisfying than giving. The sense of having contributed to someone’s life in whatever small way is immensely gratifying. Giving need not be just monetary, it can be giving someone a shoulder to lean on in difficult times or it can be giving someone a timely help. The only thing about giving is that it should be without expectations and without ulterior motives or selfishness. Only then does it bring true happiness.

I have been lucky to be surrounded by people who reinforce this quality again and again in my day to day life. I have spoken quite a lot about my parents who have always given selflessly in my post, “The Joy of giving.” They have been as generous with complete strangers, as they would be with someone they know. Financially, emotionally, with their time, with their effort, in whatever way they can, they give. And it is no wonder that they receive so much love in return.

A very close friend, “A” is one such person. I have always known her to go out of her way to do something for anyone. If you ask for help, she will be there, nothing is a constraint, not the fact that she is doctor and has the pressure of running her clinic, nor the fact that she is a mother and has responsibilities towards her family, or the fact that the one who has asked for help has let her down badly in times of her need. Sometimes I marvel at her giving nature and wonder if people tend to take such magnanimous friends for a ride. In these times and days when people are more bothered about themselves first, people like her are a rare find.

Another friend “S” is like that too. He cannot say “no” and I have often seen people asking him for things and help they know he will not refuse. I must have warned him to stay away from such requests several times over, but it is not in his nature to refuse anyone whom he thinks he can give to. He reasons that if he can, he will.

When the receiver is conceited it takes the fun out of giving, doesn't it? That makes me wonder why people give at all. Shouldn't it be safer and wiser to just stick to our own business and let the world go to hell? Well, no, because like my mom says, if you are doing something with expectations of a return in favor it is not giving at all. We can give because God gave us enough to share, and by giving we are only thanking the Lord for his abundance. And to give up trusting everyone because a handful of people have broken that trust is not the wisest thing to do.

Have a look at this video.... I'm sure it will reduce you to tears!

Philosophical as it may sound.....it is in giving that we receive; receive love, blessings and happiness. From what we get, we make a living......But from what we give, we make a life!

F is for Forgive....

It is said, ‘To err is human, to forgive divine”! 

But that is easier said than done,isn't it?!! How do I forgive someone who has hurt me? Especially when that person was one of the most important person in my life. How do I forget the turbulence that person sparked off inside me by being so insensitive? How do I forget those venomous words which brought tears to my eyes and pain to my heart? How do I tell myself to forgive that person and erase from my memory the way that person made me feel? I don’t want to forgive and I don’t want to forget! 

But over a period of time that venom has turned more spiteful, and I realize the more I hate that person, the angrier I get, and the more I hold a grudge, the more difficult it is for me to be at peace. It feels like I’m carrying a burden. That person is always on my mind. And I’m constantly thinking about all the bitter things that transpired between us. It makes me feel that pain again and again and all over again each time I think about it. Every scene replays and feels like it happened just now. And every word feels like it was spoken just now. The more I think about it all, the more I feel the agony. It makes me sad, it makes me tearful and it pains me no end. At the end of the thought cycle, I hate the person more and I resolve to never forgive. 

As this vicious cycle carries on and on, I realize, I have started having headaches and body aches, disturbed sleep and poor appetite, I am lost in my own world and my concentration is poor, I am distracted to the point of being forgetful. I want to know how that person is doing. And it pains me more to see all is well at that end. Why am I the only one suffering?

And then, one day I decide it is enough. I tell myself, that I will make a conscious effort to forgive and forget. I decide to concentrate instead, on the good times we had, the special moments we shared, the things I loved about us.  It makes me smile. They were indeed the best times of my life. Then I mentally thank that person for having been a part of my life and bringing me that happiness. I bless that person and say I forgive you for everything. And do so with all my heart. And then I let go. 

Miraculously I feel lighter. Like a burden has been lifted off my chest. I feel good, I feel at peace. As the days pass, I no longer think about and fret about the things that have been said or done.  Slowly, the aches disappear and I feel alive all over again. I sometimes do think about that person, but I’m not spiteful when I do so. I can smile and wave at that person when our paths cross without a hint of grudge or hate. 

A small act of forgiveness. 

That was something i did for myself....

E is for Empower.....

Being a woman is one of the things I love the most about myself. I think women are blessed with infinite abilities, strength, and wisdom. But in spite of all the greatness that women are capable of, life is too much of a challenge to let them live the life they would wish to live. If they are not juggling between being a mother, spouse, daughter, or employee, they are warding off menaces in the society, in form of an abusive spouse, heartless children, lurking predators or an unequal society, all the while trying to protect themselves. So the need is to empower ourselves so that we may have the courage to stand up for ourselves and make a difference in the lives of people around us.

Nothing empowers a woman better than education. Education lifts not only the woman but also her family. Education is not restricted to the books alone; she needs to be educated about her rights, as a woman and as a human, educated with skills to make her independent, educated with tools to protect herself and educated to learn about and make decisions about her health. With knowledge comes power; the power to think for herself. With power comes confidence; the confidence to stand tall, confidence not to be afraid, and be brave in the face of adversity, to be heard and to be counted. So I wish every woman is empowered…..

I wish every woman is empowered with infinite strength,

So that she can rise from the ashes like the mythical Phoenix,

And soar to a new level of existence,

Unfettered by things that held her back so far.

I wish every woman is empowered by infinite courage,

So that she knows what it means to live,

 To express her desires and needs,

To make her dreams a reality,

And live the life she has been created to live.

D is for Dream....

We all dream.  Some of us dream at night, with our eyes shut. And when we wake up, all that we dreamt of is gone. Then there are others who dream in the day, with their eyes wide open. These are the dreamers who make their dreams come true. So by all means dream, and dream with your eyes wide open, with unbridled passion and burning desire in your heart, and live your dream.

The beauty of dreams is that you are the creator; you can shape it the way you want to, take your dreams to the heights you want to take it to, and go as far as you want to. And if you are not too happy with what you see in the end, you can erase all that and dream a new dream!! It is your creative vision for your life and when you dare to dream, you also get the courage to make it come true, and that is exactly why your dreams are much bigger than your fears. You might see obstacles, you might see failure or you might see dead ends. But such is the power of a dream that you will see yourself cross those hurdles, turn those failures into successes and make inroads where there are dead ends. You just have to dare.

So dare to dream, and dare to make your dream come true.