Do you believe in miracles?

There’s a heart-warming story doing the rounds on the internet. It is about a little girl and her overseas benefactor. A foreign tourist travelling by train happens to spot a little girl wearing a pink bracelet, living with her family near a railway track. He manages to click a picture of the family though it is only a back shot with their faces not visible. He puts his friends on a mission to track the little girl with the intention of funding her education. In a country where more than 20% of the population are below the poverty line, and a third of them live in slums around railway tracks, finding the little girl seems quite next to impossible, doesn’t it? Nothing short of a miracle could do the impossible.

But, the miracle does happen, and the girl is tracked! Not only is her education funded by her overseas benefactor but her family is also sent aid to relocate to habitable surroundings and have a steady source of income. Incredible, isn’t it?

What were the chances that amidst the burgeoning poor population, this little girl would be spotted by the foreign tourist? What were the chances that he would decide to donate to a noble cause right then? What were the chances that he’d manage to click a picture of them that very instant from a moving train? What were the chances that she lived there and was not merely passing through the place? What were the chances of ever finding that girl again- the one in 1.25 billion? What is this, if not a miracle?

As it turns out, the girl who had been studying in class 3 had to drop out due to her financial condition. Did she send out a secret prayer asking for help? We might never know. But if she did, then her prayer sure was heard and answered.

Miracles are not meant to reaffirm your faith in God or turn an atheist into a believer. But they do make you trust in your own ability to call out to the universe for help when you desperately seek something, and believe, that in some mysterious way you might be granted what you seek. We might have read umpteen stories or witnessed events that are nothing short of a miracle. But can we believe that miracles can happen to us?

Perhaps, miracles occur more often than we’d like to acknowledge! The birth of a child is a miracle, waking up alive each morning is a miracle, in fact, every breathe we take is a miracle! But, we don’t count it as one, unless it has changed our life in some way.So go ahead in believe in miracles. You never know when one might just happen- maybe when you are least expecting it to!

Has something miraculous happened to you today? 

Obsessing? Nah...

“Stop obsessing over your son,” hubby dearest chided me. “He is 10 now. He can take care of himself. How long will you continue to hover over him like this? If he is more than 10 minutes late, you call the driver, if I am 10 minutes late, you start calling me, and sending me messages. It was ok as long as it was me, but now at least spare the poor child.” The sermon seemed never ending! He said a lot of other things, which my mind did not even register. Yea, I have this innate ability to selectively hear things and screen out what I don’t want to hear!

The situation in question was an impending trip to Kanyakumari with the school karate team. As in the past three years, I had flatly refused to send him anywhere out of town, on his own. Hubby had not taken very kindly to my refusal this time. I didn’t want an argument, so I did what I do best in such situations; I walked to my room leaving the conversation hanging in mid air and hubby throwing up his arms in despair.

How unkind! Obsessing wasn’t even the right word! This word was being used too often nowadays, and it certainly wasn’t making me feel comfortable. As if hearing this term from my hubby wasn’t enough, a dear friend said so in as many words. He felt my constant need to keep communicating was suffocating. I don’t know when my son will begin using that term!

I know what ails me, of course I do. I have been living with it practically all my life, so my actions are quite rational to me at least!  I have been contemplating talking to these people about it but this has never been a topic I have wanted to talk about. How do I explain that I wasn’t obsessing, it was not even just concern; it was something deeper, something more rooted in my subconscious….it was fear.

I must have been about 12 or 13. It was the day of the result after the final exam. I remember it was the 7^th of May. I had fared quite well and had been excited to share the news with my closest friend, N, who lived a couple of streets away. I remember that I wore a green polka dot skirt and matching top. I told my mom and hopped to my friend’s place that afternoon. As I climbed the steps to her apartment, I saw that a lot of people had gathered there, and even more in my friend’s house. I tried to get in the house but an uncle stopped me. He told me, “Beta, go home and tell daddy that G uncle has passed away.” G uncle was my friend N’s dad.

I remember feeling shocked and scared at the same time. Death was not something I had dealt with before. I remember running back home debating with myself if I should tell dad ‘the news’. I remember seeing dad watching TV. I remember running to him and sitting on his lap holding on to him like a baby monkey would hold on to its parent. I also remember not telling him ‘the news’ at all. I didn’t want him to go and see G uncle. I was terrified that something would happen to him if he did. He read the news in the obituary the next day and was sad that he couldn’t go see his friend one last time. And I remember being anxious wondering what he would say if he knew I was aware and had not told him. Luckily that never happened.

It has been more than 20 years since that day, but every detail is so vividly printed in my mind like it was yesterday. It is surprising, since I am quite an absent minded and forgetful person. I am the kind who walks to the refrigerator to take out something and forgets what it was as soon as I open the door. So to remember an event that happened 20 years ago, for every day of my life after it happened is nightmarish to say the least.

People have strange fears and some of them are quite irrational too. This event happened so long back when I was just a child but it left a lasting fear of losing a loved one in my mind.

At that time dad worked with a bank and was quite active in theater. So after banking hours, he and his team would gather for rehearsals and he would often return home late at night. I remember always being anxious till he came home. I remember never sleeping a wink till I saw him back home safe. I was always the one to open the door whether he came home at 1 or 2 pm. When the bus he was travelling in turned turtle near Shiridi during one such tour for a drama competition, I remember being distraught to the point of being delirious till we heard that he was well. And then I shifted to a new city, got married and found a new family but the anxiety to know that he is ok never left me. I call dad at least once or twice a day to keep checking on him.

With marriage, the anxiety spread to my hubby. Hubby’s works calls for late nights too and the anxiety over his well being got added to my already tense mind. Hubby has often wondered aloud why I have to keep messaging him every hour to know when he will be back and to know if he is ok. I didn’t know how to explain it to him.

My elder one is on that list too. He is a black belt in karate, and has won several awards in local competitions, but when his karate master requested me to send him to a tournament outside the city, I panicked.  I refused to send him citing his young age. I have been citing the same reason for three years now and master was quite angry with me when he said, ‘It is because of mothers like you that talented kids like your son will not prosper.’ It hurt me to be spoken to like this, but I haven’t changed my stand yet. With mounting pressure from my son to send to send him to the competition this year, I am already panicking. If his school van is late by 10 minutes, I keep calling the driver to find out why the delay happened.  

Oddly, I am not plagued by this fear when it comes to my mom or sister or even my little one! I cannot understand why that is so! Apart from these 3 men, there are two of my closest friends, whom I’m anxious about all the time. One of them is a 17 year old friend, D, and the other is S, someone I know just since 3 years. Why the fear is selective, I have no answer. My friend of 17 years,who is more like a brother I never had, just lost his mother and I was worried sick if he was ok. I was calling him every waking hour.

I have this constant urge to know that all is well with these 5 men in my life. So I have to keep communicating with them and not getting a response makes me miserable. 

Dad is of course a sweetheart; he loves to hear from me anytime of the day, and never minds how often I call him.  But the other four are quite the opposite. While hubby is quick to show his irritation at being sent so many messages every day, the elder one cannot understand why mommy has to be so unreasonable. And S even told me that my constant need to keep communicating makes him feel trapped.

 I just hope I don’t have additions on this list. I cannot bear to keep worrying myself sick about more people. And I cannot bear the thought that these men think I’m obsessing over them or I’m possessive. I’m not! I also hope these men read this post and know that I’m waging a battle with myself every day, trying to be sane yet losing my mind and sleep over them. I wish they’d show me some love and let me know they are OK. Communication is my only medicine and by denying me that they drive me insane!

10 types of people that I hate..!

There are people.....and then there are people that you loathe. Here are 10 kinds of people I hate and make sure to avoid:

       1. The “Negative” kinds- 

These are the people who are so full of negative thoughts and ideas, that if you happen to talk to them about anything, they will come up with a hundred things that will not work. Forget encouraging you, they will bring you to so much despair, that you will give up before even trying!!

2.The “Bitchy” kinds- 

 These are the people who back bite.  We all bitch sometimes, but how do you stand people who have nothing but bitchy things to say about everybody? They are the “know-alls” who have a lot of interest about everyone’s life except their own. They will not shy of concocting the damnest of stories and passing it proudly to all and sundry!

      3. The “Forever Big eyed exppression ” kinds-

Excessive flattery is their forte and you will always see them dilate their pupils and give you that “wow” look for the stupidest thing you do, show or say. Some flattery is always welcome, but these are the people who will make you feel like you can do no wrong. They will help you make all the wrong choices if you get fooled by their wide eyed appreciation of everything.

       4.The “Manipulative” kind –

These people are mean and will manipulate you as it best suits them. If you are not careful, and trust them too much, be prepared for a really bad heart break and the feeling of being treated like dirt. Yes, that’s what they will do you.

5. The “Twisted” kinds-

These are the people who don’t mean what they say. They will say something and mean something else.  In fact, they expect you to be the same and will understand something else of what you speak. If you are the kind who says exactly what you mean, and expect that they will too, you are in for a rude shock. You will spend half your time clearing the misunderstandings between each other.

6. The “Couldn’t care more” kinds-

These people take you for granted and how much ever you do for them, they will make it seem like  it was your duty and their birth right. While you patiently wait for them to call you, meet you or spend time you, they are always busy. But they expect you to be there for their every need. They sap your  energy and make you wonder why you take so much trouble in the first place!

       7.The “ Dominating” kinds- 

These kinds of people dominate over you and would always have it their way. They will never let you win any argument, and will ensure that you accept their point of view. For the sake of the relationship, you may let them dominate at first, but over a period of time, it can be frustrating.

8. The “Egoistic” kinds-

These people have egos the size of a football pitch, and you never know when a slight joke, a little leg pulling or a small slap on their back can hurt them so much that you have to spend all of your next week saying sorry and pacifying them!! Over a period of time you get tired of weighing every word before talking to them.

       9.The “late Latif” kinds-

These people have the faintest regard for time, if any. They make you wait endlessly and they have a solid reason every time! You get tired of waiting for them, but no sir, they have taken this pledge of being late every single time. They neither value you nor your time and they are probably those who have given “The Indian Standard Time” a bad name!

    10.   The “show off” kinds-

These kinds of people like to show off…. A new car, a new piece of jewellery, a new something every time, and you can be sure the price they quote is inflated too! They believe they are the privileged lot and they take pride in making everyone else look small in comparison.

With everything that is bad, there also exists good….the yin with the yang….. The 10 types of people whom I love…but I’ll reserve that for another day…..!

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                      I'm participating in the write tribe festival of words from 8th -14th dec..

                                     This is written for the Write Tribe Prompt "People"