Role reversal..

Today is United Nations World Day of Social Justice, and over one thousand bloggers worldwide will join their voices to speak through their blogs about compassion. I am one of them. Let’s flood the blogosphere with compassion, kindness, non-judgement and good! Please use hashtag #1000Speak to help spread the word.

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Parents are supposed to be role models for their kids, but often kids teach us some valuable lessons too! I attended a parent-teacher interaction at my elder’s one school. His exams had got over and the discussion would be about the child’s performance and other things. When my turn came, I introduced myself and the teacher’s eyes kind of lit up when I mentioned my child’s name.

“Oh, so you are S’s mom? I have been waiting to meet you”, she said.

My son is hardly the mischief monger types and the expression on the teacher’s face clearly was happy, so there was no reason to be concerned!

“You have an adorable child,” she said. “And I must complement you on bringing him up so well.”

Felt good to hear, but I didn’t think I had done something extraordinary. Perhaps she was trying to be pleasant, I thought as I thanked her.

“No, I mean it,” she said, as if she had read my mind, “It is rare to see such compassion at this age.”

Now, I wanted to know what she was talking about! But I didn’t have to ask.

“I have a differently-abled boy ‘A’ in class”, she said. “He sometimes tends to get violent, throw things around and create quite a racket. Sometimes it gets difficult to contain him. No one in class wanted to sit next to ‘A’. Every time I put someone next to him, a parent would come requesting that their child not be made to sit next to the boy. It was almost as if they thought his problem was contagious.

 It was quite a dilemma for me, because making ‘A’ sit alone, would make him feel alienated and I didn’t want that to happen. That is when your son stepped in. He volunteered to sit next to ‘A’. I saw him help ‘A’ with little things, like turning to the correct page while reading, helping him to work out a difficult sum, or sharing lunch with him.  He even spoke to the class one day, explaining how things are already so difficult for ‘A’ and asking them to stop making fun of the poor boy. The bouts of temper and his tantrums have gradually come down and if he listens to anyone in class, it is your son! I am so proud of him.”

I did not know what to say. But I felt incredibly proud of my boy too! He had just taught me a lesson in compassion!

Compassion. Isn’t that such an important value? When we stop making negative judgment about people we encounter. When we look for good in everyone we meet. When we know that everyone’s journey is different and we must learn to respect their journey. When we realise that we know nothing about the battles they fight. When we know that life cannot be too kind or too fair to everyone, and hence taking time to be kind and courteous to all we meet. When we wish to see that people around us do not suffer.

More than anything, being compassionate is a statement of love. 

Pure unadulterated love.  

 Thank you my little one for one of life’s greatest lessons!

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Read many more stories of compassion via a linky at Roshni's blog and at #1000Speak.

Weirdly wired..

Once upon a time, very long ago, people visited each other when they wanted to connect. They would go to weddings and functions, meet up during festivals and when they thought about each other. Alexander Graham Bell then gave the world a magical gadget, called the telephone that helped people stay connected when they could not physically meet each other but so badly wanted to. And then all the smart Alecs in the world kept improvising it giving the world smart phones, smarter phones and the smartest of phones, stretching the very limits of imagination.

While people like ‘yours truly’ were still gushing about and making a big deal of how they could access the internet, make presentations, and enjoy video calls, the world zoomed past by their beautiful long noses into a more fantasy filled realm, which by the way, was more real than you could ever imagine.  

People could now not just take pictures on their smart phones but also print it super quick just by connecting to an app and a printer. Another app could convert their smart phones into remote controls and switch on the TV, or the music system. Yet another could connect their fitness bands to their smart phones, race cars, fly drones, or play legacy games. 

People could now glue themselves to their seats and yet know who was at the door, just by looking at their smart phones. When on a journey, they would not have to ever bother about losing their luggage, that they had just locked using their smart phone which also gave them a GPS update should it lose its proximity to them. Their smart phones also connected to their cars, telling them what was wrong with their cars should it develop a snag. Their smart phones were always at their beck and call should they need anything from mechanics to doctors, an app for everything.

But amidst all this, the true magic of the gadget was lost. A G Bell lay turning and twisting in his grave, thinking if he did indeed the right thing in giving the world his invention. People could print pictures but memories were becoming jaded. People could live stream the visitor at their doors, but the joy of opening the door to an unexpected guest was gone. Maybe, there would be no unexpected guest visiting their home after all, in the era of the smart phone, whatsapp and facebook had them all covered. An app could double up as their doctor, but could never compare to the love of being tended to with care.

Everyone had turned into solitary little islands connected to the world only with the smart phones they held in their hands. A phone that was smart enough to connect to everything in the world except to the hearts and minds of people for whom it was originally intended. Bell wished that someone would invent an app to actually connect to that. 

Maybe then, a son would know how his mother pined for him, a man would know the anguish in the heart of his beloved, or a friend would know how sorely he was being missed, just by connecting to an app.  Or better still; the app would miraculously bring their loved ones together even as they thought about them. Exactly like in the times of yore, when all they had to do when they thought of someone, was just go and meet them.

Setting the right example

Children are like wet clay. They mold up exactly how you shape them up. If you try to teach them, they may not learn. But they will quickly learn by observing how you behave, and what you speak. They are the keenest observers you will find anywhere.

Even things that you might do absentmindedly or subconsciously will be picked up by their little eyes and ears. That is why it is said, we must be very careful about what kind of an example we might set for our kids with our behaviour. Are we unknowingly teaching them to lie? Are we teaching them to disrespect elders? Are we corrupting their little minds by teaching them to bribe?

Read more at parentous.com

Free advice!

The little one has become really naughty. He makes me run around in circles  as I try to feed him, makes me dance to his whims trying to get him to finish his homework and do endless crunches clearing up the mess he makes. While people close to me are marveling (or maybe even getting envious) of how fit I look and how I have lost so much weight, I am having a tough time convincing them that there is no diet to thank nor a strict fitness regime.

They do not believe me when I tell them my 5 year old is the reason for my fitness! “Oh, so you don’t want to tell us?” they smirk.  How can you be so selfish? they ask, looking wide eyed.  Some people have even offered to bribe me, “You tell me and I’ll get you any book of your choice.” Ah, yea, people kind of know what can tempt me. That’s how predictable I have become! 

I’m tempted to say something, anything, just to please them, and get all those titles I’ve been waiting to pick up. The whole world is minting money with advices, so why not me? Write out some random diet plan, which is mostly ghaas-phoos and some walking and exercise and bingo! They have their plan and I get my new book. And I know that once this ‘New Year resolution’ craze is over, they are least likely to follow the plan and I will not be blamed if the plan fails. And if some half crazed friend happens to follow the plan, I am sure all those weeks of exercise and chewing cud will reflect in the pristine figures that they will beget!

People love asking for advice as much as some people love dishing them out. The friendly neighborhood aunty will always peep into your house should she see you coughing or get to know that your child is down with fever. Arre, take a decoction of tulsi leaves, ginger and pepper, she will advice you and then go on to tell you how she makes it for her family each time they cough, and how well it works, which by the way will be a big lie!

Saas bahu problems? No issues! Someone will always have some brilliant advice on how to tackle the saas and make life miserable for her. And god forbid, if you are gullible enough to take that advice, you are sure turn your own life miserable, whether you achieve that victory goal against your saas or not!

Child problems? Hubby problems ?Boss problems? Pimple problems? Heart break problem? People have a solution to everything!

Then there are those advice that the dime-a-dozen astrologers on television churn out. I happened to see one such baba while surfing channels, and sat through the entire half hour show for the sheer entertainment it provided. Eat dhaniya (coriander) seeds before you go to work today, he advised the “meen rashi walon”(Pisceans), you will get promoted. Wow! How easy! Just pop some coriander seeds and bingo, all Pisceans will get promoted! To hell with appraisals, office politics and even hard work!! And then the all knowing baba also went on tell each rashi walon what color they should wear, who should feed the crows, who should tie pink threads on all four corners of the bed and who should light a lamp of sunflower oil under a peepal tree!!

As I made fun of the guy, a friend gave me a solemn look and said, “See, when you have problems in your life, you will realize the value of his advice.” And then proceeded to tell me how “guru was vakri” (Jupiter was playing havoc!) in her horoscope and causing all the problems in her life!  I am amazed people think I lead a problem free life! “What did he say for kumbh rashi”, she wanted to know.

I have it all figured out now. I can even become a baba (well, a lady baba, which by the way sounds like lady gaga to me, but again, that’s beyond the point!) and tell people the most mundane things and even have my feet kissed.

Ah! So much for free advice!

5 signs your child is emotionally disturbed.

As children grow up, they go through difficult periods. One hand, they try to fit in with their peers, and on the other, they also fall out of fit with the people at home. They might go through temper tantrums, or withdrawal phases, periods of poor behavior or frustration. The onus falls back on us to be more receptive to their needs, identify behavioral changes in the child and help him cope with their growing period. For most children these phases last for a short duration and might not be a cause for concern. But if the child is having these bouts frequently and for a longer duration of time, it might be a sign of emotional disturbance.

Here are 5 signs of emotional disturbance in a child that you must not ignore-

                                                  To read more go to Parentous.com