L is for Letting go......

One of the hardest things in life is to let go. Letting go of people, letting go of feelings, letting go of places.....because that is easier said than done. Letting go is like embracing uncertainty when all we want to do is to hold on. People become history, places become history, your feelings become history, and yet we don’t realise that, that is what they are...history.....not our destiny.  I am not talking about giving up, but just accepting that there are things which are not meant to be. There are plenty of things worth fighting for and giving up would be such a shame, but there are also plenty of things we hang on to, that are past their expiry date, and those are the things that we must let go.

There comes a point in life when you realise that you get tired trying to fix everything and you know that all will never be fine again, no matter how much you try. That is time to let go. Rather than surrounding yourself with all that pointless drama, the people who create it, and the bitterness they leave in your hearts, you might want to surround yourself with people who make you happy, make you forget your woes and make you feel loved.

It is difficult. Difficult to let go of people, because the memories keep coming back... Difficult to let go of thoughts- the guilt, the anger, the loss, the betrayal, the fear, and maybe love too...to let go of the thoughts that make you weak. But in the end you realise that you have to just release them. You cannot be attached to them forever. It will take time, but you will eventually realise that letting go is not about losing or defeat. It means to cherish those memories, overcome them and move on. It means freeing yourself from the burden of a past you cannot change.

Letting go makes you stronger. It lets you respect and love yourself. It lets you find happiness. It lets you find new beginnings. You deserve to be happy. Gift yourself that happiness. And just let go.....

K is for Karma.......

“Karma” has its origin in Sanskrit and means work, action or deed. Though it has its origin in India, but the concepts of Karma are widely accepted and followed the world over. Understanding and applying the concepts in our day to day life will change the way we think and act. It makes us think before we say or do anything. The philosophy of Karma can be a thought of as guide to better living. The laws of Karma tell us to do good deeds and keep our actions pure. This is what the laws of Karma teach us-

Be good and do good- The law of karma says that time and circumstances can change at any time. So do not devalue or hurt anyone, because, you may be powerful today, but time is more powerful than you.  Look at this example. When a bird is alive it eats insects, it eats ants. And when that bird is dead, Ants eat that bird!!  Likewise, one tree can make a million match sticks, but one matchstick can burn a million trees!!! So be good and do good!

Forgive –The law of Karma says, forgive the sinner and his actions, and never give in to hate. Don’t take revenge, because Karma will get hold of those that hurt you and take care of what is meant to be. You don’t have to add to your bad karmas by taking revenge.  How people treat you is their karma and how you react to it is yours.

Keep your intentions clear and truthful- Karma is very powerful. So it is important that we are truthful and do everything with a clear intention. The actions that have been performed with good intentions will be rewarded and actions performed with wrong intentions be punished.

You reap what you sow- You cannot sow weed and expect to reap rice, can you? That is what this law of Karma is all about. Kindness begets kindness; love begets love...and so on. What goes around comes around. So keep your circle positive. Think good thoughts, say good words and do good deeds.

Act with love- Everything in life comes full circle. And that is why it is so important to beware of envy, greed, and such negative thoughts, because what we project is what we receive. Act with love so you receive love.

Belief- This is Karma’s law of willingness. It says that what you believe to be true, the universe reflects back your belief to you. When negative circumstances challenge your positive beliefs, don’t let go of your beliefs, just hold on to them. The universe will turn that something negative into something positive, when you believe in the positive.  

Live in the present- No matter how much you regret, how angry or sad you become, the yesterdays will never return. Thinking about what you could have changed in your past only alleviates your suffering. So think about what you can do today and do it right.

Yeah, I know it sounds preachy, It looks like an awful lot of laws and too much to ask of ourselves! But in reality, every law is the same, the end result of each law is the same, what it expects us to do, is the same.......and that is, do good deeds and keep your actions pure.

 Have a good Karma day!!

J is for being Judgmental......

Long time ago, I read a book by a famous author and a passage that I read stuck to my mind. The author encounters a man on a train journey who sits motionless and unperturbed while his children create a ruckus disturbing fellow passengers. Unable to bear the racket the children are creating and feeling irritated that the father should do nothing to control their behaviour he makes his point to the man, rather rudely. That is when the man is shaken out of his reverie and apologises to the author telling him that he is returning from his wife’s funeral and doesn’t know how to handle himself, much less the kids. The author talks about how this revelation suddenly caused a paradigm shift in the way he reacted to the situation and finds himself offering help to the same man he was being so judgemental just a few minutes ago!

Isn’t that so very true of us? How quick we are to pass judgement about a fellow human being! We don’t know what his side of the story is, so who are we to judge him? There is always a story behind every person. There is a reason why they are the way they are. We might do well to keep that in mind. Moreover, we aren’t perfect too, so we are in no position to comment about another.  We haven’t walked in the other person’s shoes, we haven’t travelled the path they have travelled, we haven’t lived their sorrows, or fear or pain or laughter. Being judgemental or controlling or criticising someone, does not define who they are, it actually defines who we are.

My closest friend was widowed at a very young age of 26, just 3 years after being married, losing her husband to cancer. She took up a job for financial stability and continued wearing her “mangalsutra” (an auspicious symbol of being married). That drew a lot of criticism from her family and relatives, who thought she was either remarried or a rebel. Little did they know that she was trying to protect herself from the unwanted male attention that she would attract if people knew that she was a widow. Also she felt closer to her late husband sporting the one symbol of marriage he had given her.

Have you ever noticed how people have so much interest in other people and their kids? If a kid is hyperactive, he is not being brought up properly, if he is slow, his parents are not paying enough attention to him, if he is poor academically, he practically has no future, and if he is goes to boarding school, there must be something wrong with the family, don’t they love him enough? What we don’t realise that everyone is a genius; we cannot judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, can we?

We could as well be at the receiving end too! We are constantly being judged for everything from the clothes we wear, the life we lead, the company we keep, to the choices we make. If a couple has been married for more than two years and still do not have kids, there must be something wrong with either of them! It may sound hilarious, but we had our first child more of out a compulsion or obligation to society (read: family) rather than out of our own will!!! The family wouldn’t understand that we were more inclined to build our careers first, before having a new addition to our family! At every family function I would be asked, if I had any good news to convey!!

We cannot change the world, but we can change ourselves by trying not to be judgemental. Because when we point a finger at someone, we mustn’t forget that the other four fingers are pointing to us!!! It is easy to judge the mistakes of others, but difficult to recognise our own.

And when people judge you, have the confidence to be who you are. Some people have so little going on in their lives, that they would rather discuss yours. There is no need to worry about impressing other people, it is enough that we try to impress ourselves alone.

I is for innocence....

My kids had their friends over at home, playing board game indoors, since it was hot outside. I thought of engaging the friends of my younger one, who is about 4 years old, in some interactive games as they were creating quite a racket. I drew random figures on the board that didn’t mean anything and asked them what it was. The number of creative things they came up with had me awestruck!

 I drew a red circle with tentacles on the head and a stem below it, and asked them to think of what it looked like, and this is what they had to say- scarecrow, a boy who doesn’t have hands or feet, an apple that has thorns, a candy, a girl having bad hair day, someone shot arrows at the sun, the answers stretched my thoughts to their limits!!

 I repeated the game with the older lot, who were between 8 and 12 years old. The results were good, but not as creative as with the younger ones. When I was discussing it with my friends in the evening, I showed them those pictures and asked them to tell me what they thought the pictures were. The senior group had a tough time, trying to come up with even one or two things.

So what really happened? The answer is, as we grow up, we lose our child-like innocence and with it the creativity attached to it. We lose our ability to think like a child. This applies to so many aspects of our life. Let me list ten reasons, why I think not losing that child-like innocence is so important. There may be more reasons; perhaps you might be able to list a few as well. Here are my ten-

      Holding grudges- Have you ever seen children hold grudges? They never do! They may be all over each other fighting and the very next moment they are friends with each other. All is forgotten and forgiven no sooner than it happens. But as adults, we cannot let go so easily. Our egos come in the way.

      Fear- Kids are not afraid. They take risks because they are not worried of what lies beyond. When a father throws up his child in the air, she squeals with delight, savouring that moment of flight, she is not thinking- oh, dad will catch me and I will land safely in his arms! But think about us...we are fearful about almost everything.  Has too much knowledge made us fearful? Truth happens in a state of not knowing, truth happens in innocence. When the clouds of thoughts don’t keep moving about in your sky of consciousness. Perhaps when your sky is absolutely clear!

      Showing emotions- Kids cry as wholeheartedly as much as they laugh wholeheartedly. This unabashed show of emotions is actually therapeutic. We have been gradually trained to have control over our emotions, and so we cry alone, and we laugh less! How much cathartic would it be, if we could unleash our emotions as freely as kids can!!

      Creativity- That I have already talked about. So next time you look at something, think like a child. You’ll be surprised at what you can come up with! Don’t look at the boundaries that will limit your potential.

      Curiosity- A child, you will agree, is always curious. Their  hows, and whats and whys probably drive us insane!!  As annoying as they might be with their questions, they learn a lot that helps them make decisions better. But as we grow up, we lose that ability to question, and make decisions based on assumptions and presumptions!  We are afraid to ask. We don’t want people to think we are stupid.  

      Getting what you want- Anyone who has handled a child will agree that a kid always knows how to get what he wants, he knows how to demand, and demand with all his might till he gets it!!  So why do we lose that passion towards our goals, and give up easily as we grow up?

      Being busy – A child is always busy with something. Isn’t that amazing? She is always occupied with one thing or the other, and when there’s nothing to do, she will make up imaginary things to play with and keep herself busy! She enjoys every moment of it too!  We are busy too, but in a very different way. We are actually more occupied with our lives to notice anything else, far less enjoy any moment of it. We cannot be busy and enjoying that moment too....for us enjoyment is when we take a break from being busy. 

      Thinking about the future- Children simply do not think about the future, and so they are able to live in the present. Most books teach us exactly that! I know this may not go down well with so many of you, but worrying about what will happen in the future is not going to make your present better in any way!

      To Love and be loved- the love that children exhibit is pure and unconditional. There is no selfishness, no adulteration, it is pure love. We always have the tag of expectations tied to the love we show. You may deny it, but think about it again. Whether it is love between a man and a woman, or between friends...expectations always come in between, the love becomes selfish, or else how do you explain the constant fights between people?

      Equality – For a child, everyone is equal. They have purity of vision and heart. You try asking that to a child, who is your favourite, mom or dad? In all probability, she will say both! You look at her circle of friends, it doesn’t matter if they are fair, dark, fat, skinny, differently-abled, it never makes a difference to them. To us grownups, everything matters. We make choices differently, we differentiate, and we create walls.

There is a lot of power in innocence. The feeling of  helplessness is often our safeguard. With their innocence, kids teach us to be happy for no reason. Knowledge should teach us to be smart, but not to give up our innocence.

H is for Happiness.....

Happiness they say is a state of the mind. 

I didn’t quite understand that. Whose state of mind? Mine or others? What state of mind? There is so much driving me mad that I don’t really know how do I take my mind to that blissful state! Sometimes there’s so much emptiness, there’s so much despair, and then, there are circumstances, and situations and people, who will not let me be happy.......or is it really so? 

Yeah, this was so until some time ago. I thought my happiness depends on a whole lot of factors....it depends on everything else but me! No wonder that magic potion called happiness eluded me like the plague!

Co-incidentally, during the same time, I happened to attend a satsang (a spiritual discourse) by my guru, and the topic of the satsang , yes, you guessed it, was Happiness! She said, we are the only ones responsible for our happiness, not other people, not circumstances, not situations, nothing except us. We blame others for our unhappiness because it’s easy and it gives us a cushion to hide behind. If you are in pain, can anyone take away your pain? No? Then how can anyone take away your happiness?

I am not happy because...I have a reason.

I am upset because...... I have a reason.

I am hurt because.....I have a reason.

And reasons are all we have! How convenient!!

Whom are we trying to kid, putting the onus of our happiness on others?

We often tend to forget that happiness is not a result of getting something we did not have....it is a result of recognising and appreciating what we already have! A person with one foot could be happy recognising and appreciating that he at least has one foot, when there are more unfortunate guys out there with none at all!!

It is never how much we have....but how much we are able to enjoy what we have! A child playing in the mud could be as happy if not happier than the one playing with expensive toys in the comfort of an air conditioned home!!

 It is not being free from problems and troubles......but the ability to deal with them! Happiness is never a state of perfection...far from it....it is looking beyond the imperfections! It is not having what you want...it is wanting what you have!

Have you ever noticed what happens to you when you are really happy? Tears stream down your cheeks? You feel warm and fuzzy inside? You smile? You are motivated to do more? You feel loved and you love more? Think of situations when you were really happy.....

Celebrating an important event.....getting that much coveted seat in the college of your choice or job of your choice.... Holding your child in your arms for the first time ever.....it could be anything! And who exactly was responsible for your happiness each time? And was it the perfect situation to give you happiness. Chances are they weren’t nearly as perfect.

I’ll tell you what I mean. When my second child was born, he was premature. Holding the tiny one in my arms reduced me to tears. Of course they were tears of happiness. But the situation was not perfect at all....the baby was not only premature, he had broncho-pneumonia at birth and had to be kept in NICU for almost a month after that... and the doctor had briefed us beforehand that this would probably be a possibility. But still the joy of holding the little one is inexplicable!  We could choose to dwell on the fact that he will have to be in the NICU and feel sad about it or feel happy about the fact that he was in our midst, and we had a new addition to the family. Choosing the latter, not only let us enjoy our moment of happiness but also gave us strength to tide through till the baby came home safe and healthy!

I know that not all situations have happy endings, but by savouring the moments of happiness you add to your stock of joyous memories. It is up to you to grow your own happiness in the garden of your life! The only person who can make you happy is you, and when you pass that power to other people, you give them the power to control your smile, your worth and your attitude. So don’t wait for everything to be perfect to be able to be happy.....seize every moment and find happiness in everything that you do!!

Have a happy day!